The Head-Scratcher One

This one defies explanation. I work nights delivering about ten different kinds of newspapers. It is far more physically strenuous than I could have imagined. It is hours of bending, lifting, running, throwing... to be honest, I have been feeling pretty beaten up lately from doing it. I am trying to baby a knee as best I can, I had a black eye, and my hands just plain hurt all the time.

The last two nights have been particularly brutal due to pouring rain. Not only did I have to double-bag and seal every single paper, which added two HOURS onto the prep time before delivery, but then spent the whole rest of the night getting rained on. Now, granted, I have what they call at the warehouse a “cardio” route... two-thirds of the route is running up and down stairs and in and out of small buildings, rather than throwing from a car window. There are probably about 150 people who work in the warehouse. Predominantly men. They all dress warmly and comfortably. And then there is this woman:

Please, click on the photo to view it larger! Two nights in a row, now, I have noticed her ensemble as she pushes trolleys filled with hundreds of pounds of papers, and then presumably sets out on her delivery route. LOOK AT HER SHOES!!! Six-inch stilettos. And this, on the two of the rainiest nights ever! Someone please explain this to me!

The One With the Couture Faux Pas

I love clothes. I will admit that I have spent more money on clothes in my life than I probably should have. I love how a beautifully cut garment can make your good features better and downplay less desirable ones. I love the way something that is just the right color and cut makes you feel beautiful. I will further admit that a $200 pair of jeans does actually make your butt look better than a $30 pair.

My personal philosophy on dressing is best expressed by the costume designer Edith Head, who won eight academy awards (more than any other designer). “Your dresses should be tight enough to show you’re a woman and loose enough to show you’re a lady.” Hear, hear, Edith!

Enter couture clothing designer Giambattista Valli. I happened to spot one of these designs on my Statcounter sidebar, and I was so very struck by its ugliness that I really couldn’t help following the link to see more. I know I am about to reveal my lack of sophistication.

This coat was the one that caught my eye:

There are so many things that I couldn't help but notice. First, that the shape was designed to be unflattering to virtually any size or shape of woman. Second, it is oddly constructed of different fabrics and trims that could have come from my grandma’s sewing reject cupboard. Thirdly, there is an odd crease down the front that makes it look like it has been folded in half for storage, and they didn’t have time to press it before the photo shoot. The last thing I noticed was only apparent when I actually clicked through to the Bergdorf Goodman website. This less-than-delectable creation can be yours for the bargain price of $4,690.00. Don’t all rush to their website at once, now...

And then I spotted another delightful addition to your wardrobe:

The perfect dress to go with your new jacket! And this little gem is only $3,716.00! Are you breast-less? Barrel-shaped? This one is for YOU! You don’t need to thank me. Thank Giambattista Valli.