The One Where He Cut Her Up Into Tiny Pieces

In this episode, friend and former missionary Rob made a cameo appearance, in which he cut me all up into really tiny pieces, so everybody could have some. We were at roadshow practice, and he was wielding my biggest, sharpest Cutco knife. Okay, so it wasn’t real life, but a dream sequence (at least I think it was a dream sequence). I remember thinking it was great because everyone I know was there. Even Steve Young, the quarterback, and Rudy Giuliani, although I really don’t know them personally. But they were there anyway, each to get his little piece. There was a lion, beautiful and terrifying. Fortunately, there was no blood, because Ruth was there, and she can’t stand so much as the thought of blood (remember the baby finger?). Oh! And the whole event was catered by Golden Spoon…yay! Free frozen yogurt for all. They even brought toppings.

Now, so far, everything I’ve told you makes perfect sense, right? But there were a couple weird things about the dream. First of all, I arrived to the practice on a tractor. I’m not gonna lie…I’ve always kind of liked that burned-diesel smell. But parking it was sort of awkward, mostly because (and I’m embarrassed to admit this) I never got all that good at driving a stick… and I’m not even going to try to figure out why I was dressed like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. I have never been a pigtail or braid fan. Or Judy Garland. Or those freaky flying monkeys. But I did love driving a tractor with my dad when I was ten years old. And did I mention that roadshow practice went really, really great? We didn’t even need the sheriff’s deputies, who (again, I don't know why) were all standing by, guns drawn, just in case. So all in all, not a bad night’s work.

The photo was taken before I was hacked up into a million little pieces.