Monday, November 1, 2010

The One Where You Can Get a Head Start

On what, you ask? Well, on your Christmas shopping. Because I am opening my Christmas blog for the holidays, and as of today, my Christmas CD, “It’s All About the Baby,” is available for purchase. You should really go check out the Christmas blog... either click on the link at the left of my blog, or click HERE, because I put up my favorite song from the CD for you to listen and enjoy. But you will definitely want to buy CDs right away. There are a limited number available, and I expect that they will sell out very quickly. They are a great stocking stuffer, teacher gift… really, anybody gift. So go! Buy!

And while we are on the subject of music, I am going to tell you that I have a new project in the works. It was actually Garry’s idea and we are sharing the work, so it is not my project… it is our project. It is going to involve some great musicians, and it is going to make 2011 very busy, and completely amazing. In the next month or two I will be starting a new blog so you can watch the progress. But for now, I will just say that it is going to be AWESOME!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Hipstamatic One

I am informed by my family that I am the only one that thinks this is cool... well, except for my nephew Sam who showed it to me to begin with. I take some pretty beautiful photos with my Canon camera. I never thought I would take many pictures with my iPhone, but with a five-megapixel resolution and the fact that it is always on hand, I actually use it a lot. And then, along came Hipstamatic. Hipstamatic is an app for the iPhone that has a collection of vintage “lenses,” “film” and “flashes” to choose from, in order to create a sort of 80s-era photo.

My family thinks they are lame, but I can’t help myself. I just love the vivid color. Or the desaturation. There is something about these photos that is just so... moody.












 


Is it just me?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The One With the Sticker Shock

Today was a very frustrating day. Things were going well until about 9:00 am., and suddenly everything tumbled down in a domino effect, and by noon I was so mad and stressed out that my hands were kind of shaking. And then I spotted it. It was a sticker on the back of a Honda Element: “Baby in Car.”

Even in the days when I habitually drove around with babies in my car… sometimes lots of them… I never went for those “Baby on Board” stickers. But I didn’t really give them much thought either. Until today. When something snapped. I thought angrily, what earthly reason do they have for telling me there is a baby in their car? Now, I will admit, I was not driving in the best frame of mind. But that sticker really bugged me. Guess what… even before I knew that you had a baby in there, I was not planning to strike your vehicle with my Suburban. I wasn’t planning to tailgate you, sideswipe you, or even make an unsafe lane change anywhere close to you. It really hasn’t changed anything for me. Even if you had a sticker that said, Ugly Person in Car: Please, Put Me Out of My Misery; or maybe: Old Person in the Car: Already Lived a Full Life… even then, I still wasn’t going to hit you.

Maybe that wasn’t even your purpose in informing me. Maybe you were just flaunting it. Trying to make infertile women suicidal. Or, HEY, CHINA! Look at me… PROCREATING. Over. And over. And over. Two, three, four, babies… take THAT, zero population!

Finally, I felt that I just had to catch a glimpse of this sticker-worthy child. I pulled up alongside, and caught a glimpse of a suit. A thirty-dollar manicure caressing a six-dollar Starbucks cup. Wait a second… there’s no BABY in there. You dropped the little darling off at daycare, didn’t you? If indeed there ever WAS a baby. Now we have gone from annoying to just plain FRAUDULENT. And at that point, I may or may not have cut her off. Made my day just a little better.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Epic One

Well, here we are and nearly two months have gone by with no post. Lame, I know. At least three of you actually check my blog. And nothing. So I am going to do a very unusual post here. You know those interactive stories, where you get to choose the ending? And then you can read it again, and choose a different ending if you like? This is totally like that. There is something for everyone here.

1. A recipe. I think that is kind of a cop-out. It is what I do when I don’t have anything else of interest to post. But some of you actually care about that. It reminds me of Little Women (in my top five favorite books of all time, btw) when the four sisters are writing their newspaper (okay, so they didn’t have Netflix), and Beth’s column is a recipe, and all of the sisters think she is kind of lame, but they just do that, “Oh, Beth, that’s so cute… you think this is interesting but it is actually just a recipe…” thing. But that said, if you are here for recipes, click HERE:


2. One for DK. (In case you come late to my game, DK is code for Dearest Kevin. You know… my husband who bought me four new tires for my Suburban today, even though (maybe actually because) he knows I drive a little like a Nascar driver. Expect something political. It is October, after all. It might be a little California-specific. After all, you may or may not remember that I have vowed to not think of the president of the United States… old what’s-his-name. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Or-Even-Thought-Of. Codename B.O. (plug your nose when you say that one). I know you think I am kidding about this, but I am totally serious. Anytime my brain strays to good old Osama or whatever his name is… I just think of something else. Hum a hymn. Take a cold shower. Imagine eating my weight in M&Ms. Or just eat the M&Ms… and poof! He is gone. Out of my thoughts. Anyway, enough about whatever that was we were talking about… I forget… Oh, and the post is probably not as long as my explanation of it. It is just a little Skippy story. So don’t be afraid. For your political education, click HERE.

3. One for my friend who has NOT returned my calls. Yes, you know who you are. The one I have called and asked to go to breakfast with me. The one who gave me an immersion blender for Christmas… about the coolest thing ever. Hey you! I am worried about you. Where are you? I actually just want to go to Cinnamon Productions with you and eat carbs and talk. Nothing serious. But I haven’t forgotten that I am working on a little project for you… and so this post is yours. (Hint: contains music… a little taste of your present). Music, click HERE.

4. One for Hannah and Kim. Special request here. Two of my boys are dating some pretty spectacular women. The request was for snarky and sarcastic. Naturally that is a stretch for me. But I will do my humble best. Okay, so Kim and Hannah haven’t agreed to marry my sons, but they are awesome and I think they should. And this post should seal the deal. For Kim and Hannah’s post, click HERE.




5. One for Jif, wherein he tries root beer for the first time. It was about as fun as his first time on the ferris wheel. For Jif’s post, click HERE.

6. One for my friend Garry who puts a little fun into pretty much every day, and pushes me out of my comfort zone to attempt something out of the ordinary, and just a little bit amazing... such as a new project for 2011 that is probably the coolest thing ever. And that is just a small part of the fun. So this post is for my best and most unusual friend. For a little sport, click HERE.



7. A techie review? Yes, techie. This one is for my mom, who is pretty cool. She says she is older than dirt. That is pretty old. Can she learn new tricks? We shall see. Techie, click HERE.

8. A picture with no words. Okay, okay… I’ll just tell you right now… the picture is of me, and I got to do something I have wanted to do for ages. Photo, click HERE.

9. There is no number nine. Seriously, I am exhausted. Eight is enough. And I don’t think I should have to post again for at least a month and a half.

But if anyone feels left out, I guess you should just tell me now. Because apparently I am taking special requests. Peace, Love, Out.

The One With the Computers vs. Cinderella

And by Cinderella, I mean the Boise State Broncos. Since pre-season, this amazing Boise State football team has been ranked number one in both the Harris Poll and the coaches’ poll… but enter the wicked stepmother: the computers.

The computers only care about schedule. And no, Boise State does not have the kind of schedule that Oregon, Oklahoma or Auburn put up. They only wish upon a star that they did. Because they would still dominate. Boise State is number 2 in the AP and USA Today rankings this week… the BCS rankings won’t be announced until tonight… but it is only because of computers that they haven’t already hit number one. The computers don’t even take into account spreads. They only care about who they play. But Boise has treated the teams they have played to championship-caliber scores: 51-6 (Wyoming), 59-0 (New Mexico State), 57-14 (Toledo), and 48-0 (San Jose State). And even at that, they have been careful not to run up fourth-quarter scoring.

Oregon is number one. They just crushed UCLA 60-13. But what if they had to face Ryan Winterswyk, Billy Winn, and the rest of the number one defense in the country, both in total defense as well as pass-efficiency defense? They would not be putting up any 60 points against Boise, that is for sure.

And yes, Auburn is breathing down their necks at number three… what would happen if Boise got to play Auburn? The Tigers might run for a few yards… Cameron Newton, probably more than a few. I mean, seriously... he is arguably the best football player in the country. But Auburn’s defense wouldn’t stand a chance against All-American First-Team QB Kellen Moore. Even people outside of Idaho would be forced to sit up and take notice.

The wicked stepmother is not going anywhere. In fact, as the weeks go by, the computer polls are going to push Boise State down even more, unless the Fairy Godmother steps in. Oregon needs to falter. Auburn is ripe for an upset. And Boise State just needs to keep doing what they are doing, which is pretty darned awesome. So check it out. They play Louisiana Tech Tuesday night. And go ahead… buy a Broncos t-shirt.

The One Where There is an App for That

My mom just got an iPhone 4. She asked me first, “Do you think I am too old to have an iPhone?” What a silly question. I don’t think they come with an age limit. And she didn’t just get an iPhone; she actually got rid of her landline. I am trying to do the same.

What is the big deal with an iPhone? Well, for me, it is like carrying around my iMac in the palm of my hand… and it also makes phone calls, texts, and takes pictures and HD video. Plays games… and it babysits.

I know… you are thinking, right. But one Sunday my oldest son brought little Jif down to visit. Because his mom is relief society president and had meetings, she had to stay home. Mid-afternoon an interesting thing happened. Facetime. Now, before I had an iPhone 4, I thought Facetime didn’t sound all that cool. I was wrong. A touch of the button, and all of a sudden you are enjoying a video phone call. So Josh and Jes were enjoying a video chat via Facetime, and Josh called Jif over to say hi to his mom. She was playing peekaboo with him, which actually amused her a lot more than it did him.

Jif wandered off with the phone. I asked if we should go after him, but Josh, said, “No, Jes is watching him.” She was, until he buried her with toys in the family room. We rescued her, only to have her put in the game cupboard. “Help! Jif has locked me in the game cupboard!” is not what you want to hear from your babysitter.

So, okay, maybe it is not a very good babysitter. But I still love mine more than… well, I won’t say whom. And if you think you’re too old, think again. There is probably an app for that, too.

P.S. Apple just came out with the announcement that iMacs and MacBooks can make Facetime calls now. I haven’t actually gotten a Facetime call from anyone with a computer, but it is bound to happen any day now…

The One That Burned All the Way Down

Jif’s first taste of root beer:





The One Where We Discover Skippy Actually Pays Attention

Well, guess what. I have actually been onto him for quite some time, now. It seems like he is just doing his own thing, but he is actually taking in all the conversations around him. Well, this last week he was doing homework at the table in the family room while the rest of the family was watching T.V. This being the middle of October, and elections just around the corner, we have been completely inundated with political ads for days now.
Commercial break rolled around, and before DK’s fast finger could skip through the commercial, the question blared out of the speakers: “Who raised taxes twelve times in nine years?” And without even looking up from his homework, Skippy replied in a tired and bored voice, “Grey Davis.” Then the voice from the T.V.: “Grey Davis.” The whole family burst out into laughter. When questioned, Skippy said he also would not vote for Meg Whitman, because she is a liar (as evidenced by the commercials in which she grows a long, Pinocchio nose. That even freaks me out!). I finally asked him who we should vote for, and he replied, Carly Fiorino. She is kind of pretty.

Which only goes to prove that Skippy is not all that smart. I mean, seriously… Carly Fiorino is running for U.S. senate, not governor.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The One Where She Got What She Wanted

The One Where She Did Her Part To Save Turkeys

I love Thanksgiving food, but honestly, I’m not a big turkey fan. Even when perfectly cooked, brined, deep fried, seasoned to perfection, whatever… it is still just about the blandest meat I can imagine. Not only that, but the poor birds… they have been genetically engineered in this country until they are so big and fat that they can’t even walk around properly. This actually seems appropriate, when you picture how everyone else looks the evening of Thanksgiving, staggering around with their pants unbuttoned. Gross.

So I am proposing you save a bird, and eat beef. It’s what’s for dinner. Not just any beef. My favorite cut: Prime Rib. I know you think it is too hard and you can’t do it… believe me when I tell you it is sooooo much easier than turkey. And it tastes so amazing that the side dishes will be relegated back where they belong… as side dishes.

Okay, turkeys, I have done my bit. You’re on your own. You know I will still have to cook you on Thanksgiving, because my family is just way too traditional to have prime rib for Thanksgiving dinner. But maybe someone out there will save a turkey’s life this year.


The One With the Best Mother-in-Law Ever

Who, me? Yes, of course it is me.

I don’t like to brag, but there are plenty of girls who date my boys just so that they can have me as a mother-in-law. Being a good mother-in-law is not just a matter of minding one’s own business. Or giving good advice. It is really a skill, and one that I personally have raised to an artform. And, as with all good art, there are rules.

Rule Number One. Never make your daughter-in-law look bad. This one is so easy I can do it in my sleep. In fact, sleeping in until nine or ten so that my daughter-in-law has time to get up and make me breakfast in bed is a perfect example. I have to be careful because I am a good cook. You see, if I am a good cook, and hypothetically speaking, the daughter-in-law is not, then that makes her feel a little nervous. So if I play the mother-in-law game correctly, I can sit with my feet up in front of the TV while all the daughters-in-law make meals (and do the dishes, obviously). It is all part of the best mother-in-law service that I provide. It also helps if my house is messy (and it is). Not completely slovenly with rotting food in every corner… just messy. Then the daughters-in-law can feel that they are superior housekeepers. Because they are! See how perfect that is? There are certain areas where I just can’t help but stand out as a shining pillar of perfection… a wifely paragon, if you will… but by letting other things slide, those things can be overlooked, thus maintaining perfect mother-in-law-hood.

Rule Number Two. Avoid giving unsolicited advice. I cannot tell a lie... I love to give advice. But as a mother-in-law I have adopted a sort of reverse psychology approach. By pretending not to give any advice, and pretending that I don’t even like to give advice, the girls will just naturally crave it. It is human nature. And once they open the door, well, let’s just say I will come in and make myself right at home.

Rule Number Three. Child-rearing is not the job of Perfect Mother-in-Law. The key to this rule is Laissez Faire. Hands off. I will not give you my opinion on your baby names. You can name your child Atilla the Hun if you really want to. I will just smile and say, “Oh, how sweet.” Because babies in our family are notoriously large at birth, and by the time you push that ten-pound linebacker out with his little conehead, you should get to name him whatever the heck you feel like. This hands-off philosophy will continue. I will never ask you why little Atilla does not wear socks. I will not ask you why your darling 18-month-old is sitting in front of the TV watching Spanish novelas, drinking a two-liter of Coca Cola and gnawing on an entire brick of cheddar. I don’t judge. After all, I clearly was no great shakes when it came to child-rearing. Just take a look at your husband.

Rule Number Four. When in doubt, always take daughter-in-law’s side. Please refer to rule number two, here. But once advice is solicited, it is best to side with the darling DIL. This is not difficult, either, because my pack of boys and I have been at odds for lo, this many years. Just because we have patched things up since those unfortunate teenage years and adopted an uneasy truce does not mean that it is all water under the bridge. I may not be able to remember a single thing I did last week, but I can sure as hellfire remember when Josh called 9-1-1 and told them I beat him with the bar off his red bunk bed. Oh, it’s on, alright. But I’m not bitter or anything.

Rule Number Five. Live at least an hour away. The perfect mother-in-law is the one that is inaccessible at best. If my daughter-in-law thinks she can just drop off little Atilla any old time for babysitting, then eventually she will begin to feel used and resentful that her mother-in-law is monopolizing so much of her family time. If Perfect Mother-In-Law can just drop by and help out and do dishes and other household chores with so little difficulty, then the special and long-awaited nature of her visits cannot be properly maintained. In a situation like this one, the young married couple does not have time to have MIL’s favorite treats prepared and other comforts which a daughter-in-law loves so much to provide.

And that is really all the rules. It is more of lifestyle, really. An attitude. Maybe even a certain disregard, if one is to be honest with herself. But it all works together to make the perfect mother-in-law. And I do so love my job.

The One Where They Cried Just a Little Bit

There is kind of a cool story that goes with this one. I was asked to play a solo during our ward Primary Sacrament Meeting program, wherein all the children sing and say parts instead of having to listen to adults. Well, except for me, I guess. They asked me to play “Joseph Smith’s First Prayer.”

I wasn’t sure how it was going to go over, since there are fifty kids up on the stand, and they are very wiggly and excited. But as soon as I started to play, I could feel that the kids were holding still, and they were listening. I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but it was as though it brought everything into focus. I could really feel the spirit there, and reverence.

About four or five days later, the primary president’s daughter, Anna, who is seven, asked her mom, “Did you cry when Sister McD played the piano?” Taken aback, she replied, “Well, yes, I did, a little. Why do you ask?” Anna replied, “Well, Sister McClanahan and I cried a little bit too.”

And since it is my goal to make everyone cry, score three for Sunday. Here is the hymn that I played.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The One Less Ordinary


I have been thinking a lot these last few days about music. For me, it is the cure for ordinary. It is something that transcends daily life and takes everything to a higher level.

I hope you will like this great arrangement of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" by Jason Barney. My friend Garry was in town and very graciously agreed to sing in church with only an evening's notice, and then we took an hour in the afternoon that Sunday and recorded the song. Being able to perform that Sunday was a tender mercy for me. I loved doing it, and since Garry lives many hours away, there are precious few opportunities to make live music. I’m so glad we recorded it, because now I have a soundtrack for my memory of that day. Tonight I finished producing it so that I could put it up here for you. I have listened to it more times than I can count, yet I still feel the Savior near when I hear it. I hope you feel the same.





Sunday, August 29, 2010

The One Where She Posts a Recipe (Hey, at least she posted SOMETHING)

I haven’t written in a month and a half. It isn’t for lack of anything to talk about. I have several topics I could choose, and probably still will. Just to throw a few out there: The One Where Grandma Has an iPhone? The One Where She Learns a Few Things She Never Wanted to Know (I may not be able to write about that one. Too painful). The One With the Great Song. The One Where the iPhone Babysits. The One Where She Kills His Voice (and Wherein He Loses His Wallet). The One With the Month of Meeting Girlfriends. The One Where She Was Too Towny For the Rodeo. Oh… and The One With the Ant Attack. I don’t even know where to start. If you have one you particularly want to read about, just tell me, and I will start there.

But today is about food. Specifically, Chocolate Mint Brownies. If you know me, you know I am not a big chocolate dessert person. I love candy bars, but when it comes to brownies or chocolate cake or chocolate chip cookies, I am a big apple pie fan. There is a single exception. These brownies. Dense moist chocolate brownie, with a creamy mint layer, topped with a chocolate layer. I don’t even know what it is that gets me about them… it tastes sort of like eating dessert and brushing your teeth at the same time. But in a good way. A very, very, very good way.

One of my favorite things about visiting BYU campus is picking up a chocolate mint brownie from the Creamery on Ninth. But these are better. I used Ghirardelli chocolate. Just click on the link below for the recipe. If I had a macro lens for my camera, I would take a closeup that would make me feel like I lived in a chocolate mint world. I guess I will have to settle for just eating one. Or three.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The One Where it Was Written All Over His Face

Jif rode the Ferris wheel at Santa Monica Pier for the first time. It sort of reminds me of that time we were really bad parents and took Skippy on the Tower of Terror at Disneyland when he was only four. He still hasn’t really forgiven us. Jif is a little dramatic (maybe that is why we get along) and I love the facial expressions. Enjoy…









Haha! I love that kid:).

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The One Where Grandpa Was Born on the 4th of July

 Once when Grandpa got a concussion they took him to the hospital to be looked over. The nurse asked him his name. Roscoe Hamblin. And then his date if birth? The 4th of July. That was not his birthday, but we teased him about it forever after. So, since it was the 4th this weekend, Happy Birthday Grandpa. This one is for you.



Random things I learned from Grandpa... in no particular order.

Regarding grandkids. I am sure Grandpa was a good father, but I don’t think there was any question that he was really meant for grandfatherhood. He embraced that role and reveled in it. He always had time for us, and he spent very little of the time scolding or lecturing. He spent much of the time teaching, even when we didn’t realize it, and he spent most of it having fun. My mom says that one time she came to pick “the little girls” up. The little girls would have been Wendy and me. We had Grandpa’s pants rolled up to his knees and we were rubbing lotion on his hairy legs. Clearly, dignity was not his top priority when the grandkids were around.

My mom also tells a story about how when I was little, she was trying to wean me from my bottle, to which I was more than mildly attached. They dropped me off at Grandpa and Grandma’s house with instructions on how to distract me if I wanted the bottle, and how to have me drink out of the cup. When they returned to pick me up, I was happily drinking milk from a brand-new bottle which Grandpa had purchased for me. In some frustration, my mom asked what happened. I’m sure she already knew…I had cried, and Grandpa had caved. Grandpa’s response was, “She wanted her bottle.” That says it all.

The world is beautiful. I spent many summers when I was little in Mesa, Arizona at their home there. Grandpa and Grandma would drive out to California in their white 1964 Impala, that had no air conditioning and no seatbelts, to pick up me, Wendy and Paul and take us to Mesa to spend as long as a month with them. I loved those trips for a lot of reasons. First of all, Grandpa and Grandma almost never scolded. I think we were pretty good kids most of the time, but they were also extraordinarily tolerant.I loved stopping in some of the roadside diners and restaurants and ordering from the menus. Since we were often driving through the desert, we also happened upon many roadside stands, where we bought anything from fresh fruit and nuts to turquoise and coral Indian jewelry. I loved buying postcards and other small items from those stands.

Growing up in Mt. Shasta, California, where the evergreen trees touch the sky, and the summers are green and beautiful, I didn’t know how to see the beauty in the endless desert, with all its cactus, rolling sagebrush and hazy horizons. Grandpa would point out how beautiful everything was as we would drive. One summer they took us on a side trip to the Grand Canyon. I was pretty small, but I still remember what an awesome sight that was. Now when I look around at the dry natural terrain around our Orange County home, with its cactus, live oaks and scrubbrush, I think it is beautiful, and I probably owe that appreciation to Grandpa. There is a particular smell that takes me right back to those summers. Sometimes in those afternoons driving through the desert, we would pass through a summer thunderstorm. The rain would hit that hot pavement, which made a wonderful smell of its own. But there was a purely magical smell that would drift in through the windows with the raindrops. Grandpa told me it was chaparral. I will never forget that.

Grandpa also loved Hillcrest Orchards, an apple ranch where I also lived for a couple of years when I was about ten years old. Grandpa and Grandma had lived there for some years, and I believe it was Grandma that planted the lilacs that grew by the ranch house. They were probably beautiful when she lived there, but by the time we lived there, that bush was like something from a fairy tale. In the spring, there would be hundreds of blooms. I still love lilacs, even though I almost never see one, as they don't seem to grow in Southern California. Grandpa used to talk about the ranch, and about how beautiful it was. My dad had also inherited that love of the beauty of the earth. They both used to get a little dreamy just talking about the soil in the garden there. They made it sound good enough to eat. It really was the most amazing black dirt... and after a rainstorm sometimes we would go down to the garden and find glittering black obsidian arrowheads... evidence of some long-gone tribe that had lived and hunted there.

Good enough to eat. That could be a post all of its own. It is almost not fair to say this is something I learned from Grandpa, because honestly, Grandma had to prepare most of the food. But I’m writing about Grandpa right now. I ate so much good food with Grandpa and Grandma. Grandma was a great cook, and not a boring one, either. I remember one evening in their Mesa house when I was little. There was a big thunder storm, and the rain was pounding against the house, and Grandma was cooking up the most amazing quesadillas with every imaginable topping. That is still one of my favorites to make my family. Something that Grandpa explained to me is that food is best eaten in its season. Grandma had a way of taking fresh fruits and vegetables in their season, and storing them away in Mason jars, so that in the winter, there were rows and rows of gemstones waiting to be discovered on the shelves of the pantry. They tasted good fresh, but somehow they turned to heaven in the jars.

When I was about 14 or 15, Grandpa and Grandma were living in a little apartment about halfway between our house and the high school. I found that if I rode my green Schwinn ten-speed bike to school, that during lunch hour I had just enough time to ride to Grandpa and Grandma’s house for “supper,” which was their main meal of the day, and then get back to school before lunch hour was over. I loved their simple feasts. There would often be homemade bread. Fresh cottage cheese with home-canned tomatoes.Sometimes Grandpa would made his chili. Grandma did most all the cooking, but Grandpa had a specialty, and it was chili. No beans, just beef and plenty of hot. Served with saltines. Sometimes Grandma would make a special dessert to spoil us. She made some pretty amazing pie. But the best dessert was the simplest—a jar of those plums she had canned the summer before. They were the most glorious shade of purple, and tasted like candy straight from the jar. It is strange to think that I may never taste canned plums again—I don’t even know if you can buy such a thing anymore, but even if you can, they wouldn’t taste like that.

When they moved to their last house outside of Yreka, I used to ride my bike out there. It was close to ten miles one way, from our house. Fortunately, my dad was usually good for picking me up after my visit so I only had to ride the downhill way. I loved those rides out past Greenhorn Reservoir, and during the summer, Grandpa would pick the sweetest corn in the world from their garden and drop it straight into the boiling water. It is hard to enjoy grocery store corn, since Grandpa insisted that every minute after it is picked, the corn loses flavor and sweetness.

Love of the gospel. Grandpa loved the scriptures, but most especially, the Book of Mormon. I can recall sitting down to hear Grandpa read from the Book of Mormon for my whole life. Whether we were in Arizona, Mt. Shasta, the little apartment in Yreka, or their little house just outside of town in Yreka, he and Grandma sat to read together every night.At the end of scripture reading, we would always have a family prayer. We would all kneel around the room, and Grandma would fold her crooked hands over her knees and bow her head for the prayer. I used to hate it when Grandpa would pray, because it would go on for about five minutes, more than my little patience would bear. I didn’t mind that so much as I grew older.

The importance of serving a mission. Grandpa and Grandma set the ultimate example, by serving a mission in Roswell, New Mexico. They talked about that time a lot, and I think it was a great experience for them. They started to talking to my brother Paul about serving a mission when he was very small. In fact, Grandpa had a sock into which he would place all of his loose change. He told us that was for Paul’s mission fund. Missions were extremely important to Grandpa. Our two ancestors that we talked the most about were Jacob Hamblin and Parley P. Pratt. Their lives were defined in great part by their missionary work, and I think that a good case could be made that that became our family legacy. Mom and Dad went on to be mission presidents, and then serve another mission. Wendy and Paul served full-time missions, and now Grandpa is probably watching his great-grandsons with great pride, as they go out to serve.

Life is sweet. I hate to admit it, but Grandpa really got to me on this one. I still have secret candy stashes, and it is all his fault. Grandpa loved his sweets. I’m sure that today he would do somersaults over my homemade toffee, but the fact is, it didn’t have to be homemade. He was an equal-opportunity candy consumer. He could always be depended upon to have a small red foil pouch of Sen Sen in his pocket. I don’t think you can buy those anymore—they were rather vile little licorice-flavored nuggets. I think their main usefulness was in freshening smokers’ breath. I believe that Grandpa smoked during his younger years, and maybe that was a leftover habit.

His candy habit remained. Milk chocolate peanut clusters were a favorite, but he liked most types of candy. I learned at a very young age that if I needed a candy fix, Grandpa always had small hiding places for such things. The glove box of the old Impala was always a surefire bet. I could usually find some butter mints there, and Life Savers.

Love of music. Grandpa loved music. That was something that he certainly passed on to my dad, who listened to all sorts of classical music. But Grandpa’s taste ran along different lines. He loved church music. His very favorite was “O That I Were an Angel,” and he was thrilled whenever he could get someone to sing that one. But he also loved Big Band music. He had an extensive collection of Glen Miller and many others. When I was a teenager, he told me that one of the things I should do was find someone who loved to dance, because it was wonderful be able to dance. I have never been very coordinated, and never really learned to dance the way he was talking about, but my sons have loved to learn ballroom dancing, and are very good at it. I thought of Grandpa Hamblin when Josh and Jessica were dancing at their wedding. He would have loved that.

Grandma had the worst arthritis I have ever seen, and her hands were gnarled and bent, and she was plagued with bone spurs. Her knees were swollen and painful, and a childhood illness and surgery left her with one leg shorter and a pronounced limp. Grandma and Grandpa probably danced when she was younger, but she had some real physical challenges to overcome, even then. I like to imagine when she has a perfect, resurrected body, how they will just dance all the time.

How a lady should behave. Yes, Grandpa had views on that as well. I used to be the tiniest bit resentful about that sock full of change that Grandpa was collecting for Paul to serve his mission. Girls can serve missions, too, you know. His ideas of how girls should behave were rather old-fashioned. One time he saw me playing with a Barbie doll. That was certainly a rare enough occasion—it must have been left behind by a visiting cousin, because I was not a Barbie fan, or even of dolls at all, really. Grandpa picked up the doll. He told me that girls today don’t behave like ladies. He made the Barbie’s legs swing back and forth in wide arcs. He said that they take big strides instead of small ladylike steps, and they wear clothes that aren’t modest. I’m not sure about the big strides, but he is certainly right about the modesty. It made me think a little bit about trying to act more like a lady as I grew older. Grandma was surely the example he would offer, as she was pure grace under pressure. I was probably a teenager before I realized that the reason she ate Bufferins like candy was that she was in constant severe pain, but she only ever betrayed her discomfort with an occasional moment where she closed her eyes for a second to compose herself. I suppose that a lady doesn’t burden everyone with constant complaints. Of course she was perfectly modest as well, and as long as I knew her, she never wore anything but dresses. I’m sure she did not even own a pair of pants.

I may remember a few instances where Grandpa taught me about being a lady, but every moment we were at their house, Grandpa was teaching us how a real man treats a lady. He loved Grandma so much, and was always trying to find ways to make her more comfortable. The only time he was ever sharp with us was when we played too rough by Grandma or were careless of her in some way.

Taking care of things. Grandpa liked for things to be in good repair, and to take good care of the things that they had. He especially liked things to be clean and orderly. Grandpa and Grandma had a set of stoneware dishes in a deep chocolate brown. For as long as I can remember, Grandma cooked, and Grandpa did the dishes. That may have been Grandpa’s way of serving Grandma as her arthritis crippled her body more each year. But I loved how he did those dishes. He told me that the water needed to be very hot to get the dishes clean. Grandpa filled the sink with soapy water that was so hot I couldn’t even dip a finger in without burning it. Then he washed each of those heavy stoneware dishes, using a washcloth which he held with a meat fork because he couldn’t put his hands in the water. He would place each one in the dish drainer, where they would dry almost instantly because they were so hot, and then he would put them away in the cupboard. Grandpa liked doing any job well.

Writing in a journal. Grandpa told us many times how important it is to write in a journal. He loved telling about Jacob Hamblin, and the many great stories about him. I don’t have a journal like that for Grandpa. In fact, I fully realize that all my memories of Grandpa revolve around me, as though I am the center of his universe. I know that he worked many years on the Arizona Highway Patrol. I would love to know about his childhood and his younger years. Knowing Grandpa, he believed that he never did anything exciting enough to write about, but that is a book I would loved to have read. Maybe a blog...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The One With Something Old and Something New


As it turns out, they weren’t actually married. At least not in the eyes of the State of California. But one should not put the horse before the carriage.

Once upon a time (three years ago, today) in the beautiful land of Newport Beach, a beautiful princess married her Prince Charming, and they set about very busily living happily ever after. The prince was finishing his first year of UCLA Law School. We are not permitted to disclose his grades (all A’s with one A+… you did not hear it here), but one might say that the prince was wise and studious. So, they were living happily ever after. Which, incidentally was going quite well, until one fateful day when the princess needed to obtain a California Driver’s License.

The prince and princess had been selected to rule over a fair portion of the UCLA graduate student housing in lawless downtown Los Angeles, but in order to secure the throne and reap the income thereof, they each had to produce a valid California Driver’s License. Sadly, Princess Jessica was only in possession of a most inferior Utah license. So she set out one day on a quest for the elusive little card… to the dark and evil kingdom spoken of only in hushed whispers to scare little children… known as the DMV. The princess brought her marriage certificate which had been given to her by the Newport Beach temple, along with her other identifying papers, and after braving hordes of angry peasants and fire-breathing employees with the one-year-old crown prince balanced squarely on her hip, she presented the royal documents to Window 24. And then Window 13. And hours later, Window 5. And there, the wicked witch cackled with glee and informed her that in the kingdom of DMV, they do not accept marriage certificates… only marriage licenses. Without a marriage license, the princess would not be recognized as part of the royal family.

The pregnant princess was exhausted as she and Crown Prince Jif arrived back at the castle after a frustrating day, but the next morning they set out on the quest once again, this time to the Dreaded Courthouse in the kingdom of the County of Orange, where she hoped to purchase a certified copy of the license, provenance of her royal marriage. Once again, there was a confusing array of windows. Endless lines. Many, many fire-breathing dragons, and a coven of wicked witches and wizards. After several hours of standing in those lines and facing down witches and wizards and dragons, Crown Prince Jif, who had recently learned how much he likes to run, and who did not wish to sit in the royal pram or be held any longer, began to cry. One of the wicked witches with a particularly heinous wart on her nose told the princess that she would have to leave because the crown prince was crying! The princess joined him and began to cry herself. After several hours in the Dreaded Courthouse, the princess was given the terrible news. It seems that the royal marriage license had been misplaced somewhere between the Dreaded Courthouse and the beautiful Newport Beach Temple where she was married. Perhaps it had been intercepted by thieves on the treacherous road, or perhaps simply lost by the inept postal service, but either way, the license was nowhere to be found. According to the law of the land, the poor unfortunate princess was not even truly wed.

Day three of the increasingly desperate quest dawned gray and threatening rain, and the prince had to forgo a day of his education in order to join the princess’ quest to obtain a new license from the land of California… this time, in their county of residence, the lawless and degenerate kingdom known as Los Angeles County. The prince and princess had to produce two witnesses who would swear that they had been present at the alleged wedding some three years before, so the prince’s parents braved the busy thoroughfares and countless highwaymen to reach the dungeon known as the County Courthouse in Norwalk, where they hoped to come to the aid of the weary prince and princess, who had so recently and embarrassingly found themselves unwed. Dozens of brides and grooms waited in the endless lines there in the dungeon. The lines, apparently cursed with a wicked and powerful enchantment, seemed never to move, and as soon as one finished at Window A, then she had to get in line at Window C, and at each window she was greeted by condescending toads who made her fill out more and more forms, which they would then type up with their evil enchanted toad fingers and send her to yet another window.

The wicked toads forced the prince and princess and their witnesses to swear solemn oaths, and then they were obligated to purchase another license for ninety gold pieces, even though it was the Dreaded Courthouse who had lost the first license. They told the princess that if she wanted to receive the license in an expedited manner, some nine days’ hence, that she was required to travel to the inept postal service and seek an Express Mail envelope for the mailing. The prince frugally, but incorrectly purchased a Priority Mail envelope for $4.95 instead of an Express Mail envelope. After all, the envelope was only to travel a short distance to the castle. A single First Class stamp would ensure one-day delivery. But no... the princess was informed that if they used a Priority Mail envelope, it would take six weeks to receive the coveted license. So they traveled back to the inept postal service to make the purchase. Inept though the postal service may be, it seems that they had found a very effective way to extort extra funds, as they were apparently in collusion with the dungeon guards.

There were probably two hundred souls bartering with the evil toads for licenses there at the dungeon that day, and given the fact that there were five of the royal family there, one could conservatively figure that 98 percent or so were Latino. Princess Jessica was by no means the only pregnant bride. But she was probably the only one who did not exit the lovely chapel adorned with silk flowers and bathroom wallpaper, wearing a very short, tight strapless white dress with plenty of cleavage spillover. The princess bride wore denim, and the wedding was toasted with frosty mugs at A&W… the feast: cheese curds and hamburgers, which, miraculously, the pregnant princess managed not to vomit immediately thereafter.

And so once again, the prince and princess were married in the eyes of the land. The crown prince was once again the legitimate heir to the throne, and they were free to live happily ever after, ruling over their fair portion of the UCLA Graduate Student Housing, plunging toilets in the middle of the night or unlocking doors for those peasants who find themselves without. And, indeed, they are doing just that, on this third anniversary of their first marriage. Their second marriage is the stuff of legends… known only by a few, and documented by just a single photo:


Happy anniversary!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Useful One

Dillon is looking for a job. Just a summer job. The kid is only 17. It has long been DK’s dream that one of the boys would shoot for the stars and land a job at Quizno’s. For obvious reasons. So it got me to thinking. I have always thought that if you could pick careers for your kids, you should pick useful ones. You need one doctor. One mechanic. One dentist (preferably one that does orthodontia). But I have seven kids… and eventually they will all have spouses, right? I have something like 14 to pick out. So here is the master list.

1. Dishwasher
2. Cranberry bog worker (the outfit is super cool)
3. House painter
4. Pastry chef
5. Movie theater manager
6. Apple store employee
7. Owns a pickup (I know that’s not an occupation, but it is useful, bordering on vital)
8. Massage therapist
9. Piano tuner
10. Race car driver (in case you need to get somewhere fast)
11. Balloon animal maker
12. Beekeeper
13. Bail bondsperson
14. Hair colorist

And I guess I don’t care so much about the doctor, the dentist and the mechanic. We’ll get by.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The One With the Muffins (or, What’s Been Eating Victoria)


This morning I was having my first lazy day in quite awhile. I was actually doing a crossword puzzle, while waiting for clothes to finish in the dryer… when I heard the doorbell. I went downstairs to find a friend at the door. She was bearing muffins from Cinnamon Productions, our favorite breakfast spot, and she was wielding them like a weapon... one designed to get her in the front door for a sort of intervention.

She informed me, in the nicest way possible, that when I don’t post on my blog for weeks on end, that people worry and they don’t know what is going on with me, and she, for one, is tired of waiting for me to snap out of it, and tired of wondering if I am languishing in despair over here. I’m not (but she is not the only one who has been asking me...).

I am not promising regular posts. But I can’t resist me a good muffin, so here goes. On the menu tonight, some total honesty. I would like to say I have just been too busy to post. It is true in its way. I have been a very busy girl. I have been working at an actual job, which doesn’t go over very well with me, since I decided when I was about 20 that I was done having anyone else boss me around. My attitude will probably ensure that I will not work there too long. I have had a busy time with my church jobs. Not only do I teach my cute 10-year-old girls every Sunday, but I am also what is called Activity Day Leader for about ten girls from ages 9-11, and I get to plan activities for them. This past weekend I planned a daddy-daughter campout for them, and got nine girls and their dads out to O’Neill Park for a great campout complete with Dutch oven peach cobbler, hobo pies, foil dinners and s’mores… along with a raging fire that probably should have brought the park rangers at a run. So yes, I have been busy. I could use that excuse.

I could say that I just don’t have anything interesting to say. I don’t really treat my blog like a journal… certainly not a daily one. I also generally only post a recipe because someone has requested it, or because I just completely lack in anything exciting to talk about. It is hard for me to understand why anyone would want to read about my life. It is not super exciting. And I really don’t like to be uninteresting.

But the real reason I have not been blogging, is that I don’t like to say everything is just great, when it doesn’t feel just great. I also don’t like to be a total downer and complain about things, because let’s be honest here… I have a pretty great life. I have an amazing family and friends and I don’t have much to complain about. But the truth is, for the last while I have not felt like things were going just how I want them to. And when I get on the blog and act like they are, then it starts sounding all fake and forced, and I really get annoyed if I notice that I don’t sound like myself. So I opted to just stop blogging for awhile, rather than do that.


So what has been eating Victoria, you ask? It is pretty simple. It is my music. Last year at the beginning of the year, I said I was making a CD. A Christmas CD. It was going to be great. I had a whole year to do it. And then opposition set in, and discouragement, and road blocks, followed by hand injuries. Suddenly it was September, and I got back on track to make a CD, and only had two months to do it. Pretty ridiculous. The only thing that saved me was the fact that everything fell into place. The singers I wanted made themselves available at short notice. Instrumentalists. Things I had no idea how to do on the computer… suddenly revealed themselves to me. Divine intervention is the only possible explanation… and I felt it every step of the way for two sleepless months. And I completed that CD.

I could take a break for a year or two. I know that. But I also knew back in January of this year, that I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to make another CD. I wanted it to be better production quality. I learned so much making that first one, and I know a lot of ways to improve on what I did. I didn’t know what kind of CD I needed to make exactly, but I had the distinct impression that Heavenly Father was telling me that I had more to do. And now. So I told myself… and a few others… that I was making another. “And guess what,” I said. “This time, no messing around. No self-doubt. No winding paths with dangerous detours. This time I would focus, work all year, and no last-minute crunches for me.”

And then life set in. Discouragement. Opposition. Self-doubt. Lack of inspiration. Lack of direction. Do you know how much easier it would be if God would just tell me to write a book? I am not saying I could get one published… but seriously, it would be so much easier to tackle a project if I only had to motivate and organize one person: myself. Doing a CD is more like herding cats. It requires the help and cooperation of multiple other people to sing and play instruments and come and record, sometimes late at night and for way too many hours, for no pay. They can get discouraged and tired too. They have busy lives. They may not want to help me at all. I can’t control any of that.

So I finally realized a couple of months ago the direction that I wanted to go with the music. But I kept hitting a brick wall, whenever I tried to figure out the idea for the actual CD. Then a couple of weeks ago, I prayed. I fasted. I felt a lot of anguish in my heart, knowing that I was supposed to be doing something with this music, but not knowing the direction to go. I got an answer! I knew what had to be on the CD. I knew the sound I was looking for. Not only that, but I know I can do this. I have a lot of the confidence back. Yes, it is always a little out of my comfort zone, but I have faith that the miracles can happen again. I can make this. It was not an idea for a commercial CD, but for a collection of uplifting songs and hymns with a particularly Victoria slant.

As soon as I knew what I wanted to do, and with whom, and how, then songs started to come into my head. Three really great ones, just over the past few weeks! I was so excited, that I contacted a professional violinist that records with a lot of great artists, and asked her if she might be interested in helping, once I got the vocals done. Not only was she willing and able, but she was super excited to be on the CD, and offered to do a trade… she would play for me, if I would play for a project or two for her. Sweet!

But here I am now some three weeks later, and would you believe… I am hitting that same old brick wall again, headfirst. My poor head is getting sore. I don’t know what to do about it, and I will admit to you that it has made my heart hurt even more. It feels as though once again, like so many times over the last few months, the very wind has been sucked out of my sails, and I am plummeting head over heels toward some very sharp rocks. I should be clear here: I will not hit those rocks. I will be fine. The music… it is just one part of my life, not my whole life. But it is the sore spot. It is the place where I bit my tongue, and every time I talk or try to eat, I can feel that sore spot, and I remember it again. It hurts, and it sucks the fun out. It is what makes me feel like sometimes I am just going through the motions.

So I am kind of back to square one. This CD is going in the drawer of doom, along with the failed songs and the half-baked ideas from the last many months. I don’t know what is next. I do believe that the inspiration was real. But just because I get inspired doesn’t mean that everything else just falls into place. John Mayer says, “No it won’t all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good.” It is. So I will keep playing around with writing, and believe me, my life is filled with plenty of things that keep me more than just busy. I will try to blog about some of them. I told my friend that it would not be too much trouble to write a few lines every couple of weeks. This is long enough that it should probably cover me for the next month.

I wish one of you could just fix my problem. Maybe demolish some of those brick walls I keep hitting. It really doesn’t work that way, though. I have to be a little more patient for everything to work out. And it always does work out. And I may not be quite myself, but I am also not sitting around crying. In fact, I have had a totally great day. The sore spot is still there, but for now I’m just trying not to touch it quite so often.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Another Skippy One

Skippy has been pretty funny lately.


Tyler drives this:

It is a Crown Victoria. A grandma car. Literally. His grandma’s car. But this week I was driving it... and Skippy was sitting in the passenger seat, reading. C-R-O-W-N... Crown... VICTORIA!!! Mom, it says Crown Victoria! Yep, it does. Good reading, Skip. Mom? Were you named after this car? No, Skippy, I wasn’t. Another minute goes by. Mom, how did you get your name? My dad gave it to me. Your dad? You mean, my great-grandfather? No, Skippy. Your grandpa. You know... Grandpa Hamblin? Another minute of silence. Grandpa Hamblin is your dad? Yep. At this point, he gets very serious. I’m sorry, he says. (I am confused) Why are you sorry, Skip? You know... because your dad died! (Ah, he has put all the pieces into place...) But at least you have another dad. (Okay, maybe he hasn’t put all the pieces into place) Um, no, Skippy, I just had one dad. What about Grandpa McD? Oh, well, he is your dad’s dad. What? And Grandma McD? (and now we have liftoff).

Later that same day.

You know, Mom, you just never make any sense! (This, coming from the child who has been in speech therapy since he was two.) Okay, well maybe sometimes you make sense. But not this time.

Hey, Skip, your teacher said you are doing really well on your part in the Elephant’s Child play. Oh, yeah. I’m a giraffe. I’m really very good.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The One Where He Even Did the Naked Ones

Okay, I may have to change that title. But for now, it stays. First, I apologize for being a delinquent blogger. The last two weeks has been a blur, and I know certain people don’t appreciate checking the blog and seeing the same post day after day after day... Annie...

And this is not going to be very clever, but here is my story. Sunday was the Perfect Storm. Mother’s Day meets birthday. That has happened before. The last time it happened was not my favorite. It was more stressful than fun. But this time around, the stars aligned and I almost felt like I had downed a vial of Liquid Luck. I had the perfect Mother’s Day/birthday. Church was amazing. In Primary they sang me that birthday song that says “Zippity-ay and Heidi-ho.” Who doesn’t love that one? I got to play for a song that a hundred youth sang, and it still makes me happy just thinking about it. I either got to be with, or get phone calls from, everyone that I love. I got homemade hamburgers. The missionaries even knocked on the door in the evening just to tell me Happy Mother’s Day. It was the best day I have had all year.

One of the highlights is a little gift Ethan gave me, which I lovingly call my iToy. Yes, it is an iPad. And here is how spoiled I am. He bought me the 16GB version at my insistence, and when, the next day, it turned out to not be sufficient to hold much of my library, he returned it for the largest... the 64GB. Now you know how truly spoiled I am. People keep asking me, “Is it really that cool?” Yes. Yes, it is that cool. I could go on for about an hour about the amazing apps I have on it, courtesy of another friend who spoiled me with iTunes $.

But anyway, this afternoon I showed Skippy (who is better than I at all the games) an application called “Art Puzzle HD.” In this application, you enter a museum. There are several doors, and behind each door are a number of famous paintings by Van Gogh, Chagall, Monet, Renoir, Cassatt, and many others. Most of the paintings are covered by cloths so you can’t see them. The first painting on the wall is visible, but blurry. When you touch the painting, it fills the screen, but it is scrambled into many different pieces, and you have to reassemble the pieces until it makes the original painting. As soon as you complete the puzzle, that painting is added to the wall of your gallery, and you can go on to the next painting.

I thought it was fun, and I showed it to Skippy, and then left him with Starry Night and went off to work on some music. A couple of hours later, he came in and announced to me that he had solved every puzzle in the third room, and that my gallery was full of beautiful paintings. He opened it to show me, and said, “See? I even did the naked ones.” And sure enough, he did.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Sunday One About Being Grateful

I loved church today. For me, the theme for the day was gratitude. I just couldn’t help but be grateful for all of my blessings. I am grateful for my little ten-year-old girls that I get to teach. Here was the scenario I laid out for them today: You are a good girl. Your dad asks you to go check on your older siblings. But they see you coming, and they dig a big pit, and when you get there they put you in the pit. They take your favorite jacket and dip it in blood, and they go back to your dad and they tell him, “Oh no… looks like Kendell got torn apart by wild animals!” And you think the worst thing is that you are in a deep pit in the desert with no water… but no, some people happen by and see you, and pull you out, and sell you as a slave! And then you get to be a slave for about the next twenty years, while your dad thinks you are dead.

The key to the scriptures is to liken them unto ourselves, so that we can learn from them. I don’t know that I ever saw that I had much in common with Joseph who was sold into Egypt. But as we talked, we found that we all have trials that we are dealing with. Sometimes they are not nearly as terrible as Joseph’s… being sold into slavery by your brothers is fairly extreme, after all. But sometimes they are really just as difficult, and it is those trials that make us who we are. Joseph was “preserved by the Lord” so that he could be a hero and save his father, his family, and all the people from the famine. I don’t know what Heavenly Father’s plan is for me. The trials have been pretty thick lately. But I do absolutely love this quote from Elder Richard G. Scott, an apostle in my church, in which he talks about this principle. He says, “Were you to know His entire plan, you would never ask for that which is contrary to it, even though your feelings tempt you to do so.” I love that. Trust in the Lord. And be grateful.

And then the girls and I left our classroom to go into singing time, and again I was grateful... this time for a little humor. These twin boys got their heads caught in the railing outside the primary room. I guess I should have helped them, but my first thought was to take a picture instead, so that you all could be grateful as well. Happy Sunday!