Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The One That Explains Quite a Bit

Heard around the house:

Dillon: So, Mom, this whole dating thing pretty much sucks, right?

Cambria: I’ve finished my school work for the day. I’m just going to kill Nazi Zombies for a while.

Ethan: Mom, who do you think is the smartest in our family? And don’t tell me I’m in the top five or six. I hate that.

Tyler: Mom, can I have a machete for my birthday?

Dillon: If you felt like making some white bread once in awhile, I could totally get behind that.

Josh: Mom, please never put Jessi in charge of us again! Me: Josh, she is your wife, and besides, she got you and your brothers to clean the whole downstairs. Josh: I know. It was awful. Dillon: Yes, Mom, she was super mean. And besides, it’s not even fair... Casey ditched out after half an hour. Casey: Yeah, Jessi told me to get back to work, but I asked Josh if I could go, and he said yes. Jessi: Now we know which one is going to be the nice parent.

Skippy: Mama, is there homemade bread? Me: I just put loaves into the oven for Dillon. They’ll be ready in a half hour. Skippy: No! That’s white bread. I mean homemade bread.

Casey: Mom, you don’t let Skip watch Dora, the Explorer, do you? I mean, you know she is totally an illegal immigrant, right?

Ethan: Guess what, Mom... I got Dillon an iPhone! Me: What? What about me? You know I have been wanting an iPhone for forever. Ethan: Mom, it wouldn’t do you any good. You don’t even have a phone number. And besides, you know Dillon has always been my favorite. Me: Thanks.

Skippy: What is our dinner going to be? Me: I was thinking Mommy’s super-duper homemade hamburgers and chips and soda. Skippy: How come we never have shrimp?

Tyler: Mom, can I have a chainsaw for my birthday?

Dillon: Have you ever noticed that Cambria has a really evil laugh? Me: Dillon, that’s not very nice. Cambria: {evil laugh}

Jessi: I think Josh is cheating on me with Apple Computer.

Dillon: Mom, can you take me? Dad likes to conserve gas.

Kevin: Hey, do you think you could take a few pictures of my rear end for the insurance company?

Casey: Mom, how come Cambria is always so mean? Me: You mean, mean in a nice sort of way? Casey: No, I mean, mean in a mean sort of way.

Skippy (the day he was the spotlight child in primary hour at church): How come you told them my favorite places to eat are Subway and Flame Broiler? Me: Because you like to go to those places...? Skippy (with angry tears): Round Table! Geez.

Cambria and Skippy: Mom, we are making you a Wii “Me.” It is going to look just like you. There’s one that has wrinkles. Do you want us to use that one?

Tyler: Can I have a blowtorch for my birthday? Me: Fine.

Casey: Can I bring a couple of friends over, and we have taco night? Me: Sure. How many is a couple? Casey: No more than fifteen.

Ethan: Mom, I was on your Facebook profile, and my Master Sergeant saw your picture. He said, “Who is that?” I said, “That’s my mom, Master Sergeant.” {insert favorite Marine expletive here.} He wanted to know if you were single. I told him you were married, so he said, “Happily married?” What do you want me to tell him?


Cherie said...

The white bread - LOL
The Machete', Chainsaw and blowtorch - LOL
The Sergeant - Ohh La La what a compliment - What did you say? J/K Hee hee

Sam said...

Ethan's last is my favorite. we could also get behind some white bread after our last digestive issues.

If people only knew that Tyler now really has a blowtorch!

Choosy mom said...

That is hilarious! Dillon doesn’t really have an i phone does he? Not fair.

Josh said...

Yeah, I’m behind expropriating that iPhone from Dillon to you. Is Ethan paying for the data plan? I don’t get it.

with love, r said...


The Garden of Egan said...

A chainsaw? Wow. I gotta meet your kids. They sound like my kinda kids.

Cindy said...

What a great laugh! Good start to my day. I should record some of those from my family....Oh motherhood!

Just ME the MOM said...

Quit already :) you're killin' me, could I just be a FLY for one minute on your wall! True story - I did get my son a machete for his birthday, he also has a sword, a BB gun, a sythe (can't even spell that one) and others . . .- what is with some of these kids. I had to hide them all once we had company from out of town. I didn't really know them all that well - who knows what they would have thought!


dk/kh (Kevin) said...

Still waiting for that picture.
Word verfication: 'croth' -- IRA privates.

Tyler said...

I am glad that you got all the happy things i said at home... geez!

Victoria said...

Aw, Tyler... you know I could devote a whole post to your warm-hearted sarcasm.

Stefany said...

I love this post for more reasons than I can even begin to list. LOVE LOVE LOVE

Debbie / Cranberry Fries said...

I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall in someone elses house. Love the Master Sergent comment!