Thursday, April 16, 2009

The One Where She Was Snarky Two Days in a Row

Should I be worried? Proceeding on the assumption that Facebook knows me better than I know myself (which, albeit a stretch, is not entirely outside the realm of possibility), I am becoming increasingly bothered by the messages which appear in the sidebar of my Facebook profile. These are “smart ads.” They have been custom-selected for me, based on…well, I actually don’t know. My age? My photo? My number of friends? The sarcasm level of my wall posts? I visit my friends’ profiles, and their ads say things like, “Join the Thomas S. Monson fan club!” or “Enjoy adventures in Yosemite!” But not mine.

First, I have been invited to participate in a schizophrenia study. In fact, in recent days, “invited” has been upgraded to “strongly urged.” I may qualify to receive compensation for time and travel (up to $4000). Hmmm. $4000? Mama needs a new microphone…I’m going to have to seriously consider that one. Can you get schizophrenia from low self-esteem? Because it seems I also struggle with wrinkles, obesity and a Troubling Sleep Disorder.

The good news is that half of Hollywood women harbor a secret wrinkle remedy which, if I can somehow learn, I can look 25 again. I can lose 5-50 pounds using the secret Acai blend favored by Rachel Ray and Oprah (yes, I invoked the “O” word…it must be true). As far as the Troubling Sleep Disorder goes, this one is kind of sticky. I actually didn’t know it was troubling. I should probably ask DK about that one. I always imagined he thought it was cute how I walk and talk in my sleep. Although there was that one time where I went walking in my sleep all through the Hotel Monaco in Salt Lake City. That was slightly troubling. If I hadn’t been wearing any pajamas, I suppose I couldn’t qualify it with “slightly.” It would have been just plain troubling.

But even if I do have a Troubling Sleep Disorder, do I really want them to send me this?

I’m not sure it is a good idea to cure sleep apnea. After all, isn’t that the dream?…to peacefully die in my sleep at that point when the schizophrenia, wrinkles and obesity have finally won the day?


The family said...

the familiarity is killing me!

Cherie said...

What a crack up and a little creepy too!

JUST ME, THE MOM said...

I'm going to have to pay more attention to what ad's are appearing on my FACEbook sidelines. Hmmmm . . . probably something along the lines of more powerful vacuums to suck up the carpet along with the dog hair . . . easy recipes for those who spend NO time in the kitchen . . . (how can I when there's so many blogs to read and write?) . . . car wash coupons since you can no long see through the windows on mine . . . hmmm? What else?


Lisa--aka The Gardenweasel said...

That facebook ad thing is disturbing since mine are like "Join the Mensa Braintrust," "Spiritual Giants: Come Meet Others Like You," and "Future Leaders of America Club."

Amy said...

you are funny!

yes, I've always wondered about those ads. Mine seem to be pictures of half naked girls earning up to $1000 a day!

Should I be worried? Especially since my cat is my profile name and picture on facebook? What's my cat been looking at?