How are you? I haven’t heard from you in awhile. In a way it is almost like you are one of my kids… the one that I only hear from when you need money. And of course, of late it has been difficult for you to reach me. Why? Well, I’m glad you asked. It is because I don’t have a cell phone. If you have tried to call me on my old cell phone number, you probably reached my son Casey. When he returned home after a two-year absence, he had no phone, and after much deliberation, I gave him mine. You see, apparently “your hands are tied,” because the AT&T family plan maxes out at five lines. While I realize that in China this family plan would seem generous to the point of being ridiculous, I actually have more family members than that, and I find it troubling that you do not want us all to share the same plan.
It seems you would require us to purchase a second family plan, texting plan, minutes plan, data plan... in fact, if I didn’t know better, I would say it was a plot on your part to extract more money from my budget than I already send you for my television service, my internet, my home phone, and the five-line family plan for which I already pay handsomely… despite the fact that I have been a loyal AT&T customer for twenty years.
I have tried to just “make do.” There was a time in the not-so-distant past that I got by fine without a cell phone. And yes, it has been a month with no cell phone, and I am still alive. Nothing terrible happened. But I will admit to being just a little bit lonely. In December, I received 1,500 text messages. In January, zero. I know what you are thinking… I have just managed to free up several hours in a single month for other activities. With that much spare time, I could have written a song… read a book… maybe climbed a mountain. Well, a very small mountain. But no. I did none of those things, and in fact have no idea where those hours even went, and do you know what? I want them back. Better yet, I would like my friends back… that ones that used to call and text me. Can you do that for me, AT&T? And while you’re at it, maybe you could just add another line to our family plan. I have already done all the hard work… I gave birth to these children. All I am asking you to do is add lines for them, for which you will be paid yet more money. Seems more than fair to me.
Hope to hear from you soon. You’ll have to call the home phone. I don’t answer it very much, I’m afraid.