The One Where She Prefers it Remain a Mystery

You know, there are things that I would prefer remain a mystery. I have six sons, and I don’t know how to tie a tie. And I’m okay with that. I like how they take the bunny around the tree and down the hole, or whatever that is, and come up with the perfect knot, with the point just touching the top of their belt. It is one of those things I just don’t have to understand to appreciate. I don’t want to know how the internet works. I am content to revel in the magical mystery. Thanks, Al Gore. You’re a genius.

On the way home from church today, Skippy asked me how babies come out of a mommy’s tummy. He is no doubt contemplating how his ten-pound nephew could be in Jessi’s tummy, and now, so inexplicably, out. I must confess, I had no desire whatsoever to explain it to him. So I told him, well buddy, that is a mystery you will solve at a later date. How about some ice cream? Awesome. Oh, and I recently had a friend tell me that her husband was uncircumcised. Again, I would have preferred that one to remain a mystery. Seriously…I could have died happy, never knowing that.

I have a couple of boys in my house (the missionary ones) who are trying, for 21 days, to go without sugar and caffeine, and to exercise every day. I am happy they are doing it, and equally happy that I am not. But in my house, trying to go without sugar is kind of like torture. There is a particular smell in my house… a friend describes it as boynip. It could be described as fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies with undertones of homemade bread and bacon. See? Boynip. So yesterday, I made banana bread. I handed a warm slice to one of the boys who is not on the 21-day plan. I told the other, sorry, none for you. He was crushed. Why not? Because you aren’t eating sugar, right? Come on, he begs…there’s not much sugar in banana bread, right? Right?

Okay, Elder Murray, let’s just say that it would be better for that to remain a mystery. It’s bread. And fruit. How bad can that be? Have a slice.

In case you want to make the banana bread, here is my favorite:

Monkey Squares... with a variation to make super moist banana bread

The One Where Nothing Happened

You know, it's easy to write an interesting blog when you are an interesting person, to whom interesting things happen. But it takes a real pro to keep on writing when day after day, nothing happens. At all. The highlight of my day today was when I looked at the clock and realized I was late to pick Skippy up at kindergarten. I knew I was in trouble when I ran up after flagrantly parking in front of one of those really giant fire hydrant things... to find that he was the only child left on the curb. He looked me in the eye and said, "You are late." He stomped out to the car, and refused to let me open the door for him. I said, "Hey, buddy... how was your first day back to school? I missed you!" He replied, "No you didn't. Kindergarten is very short." Amen to that. Me: "I'm sorry I was late... I was fixing my hair?" Glance hopefully at my reflection in the tinted window. Nope, that one isn't going to fly. "I was taking a shower?" Again, no. In my defense, kindergarten is actually OVER at 11:20 a.m. And it's the first day back from break. Okay, fine. I am a slob. A dirty, uncombed slob. "Mommy was busy making you cookies." That one got his attention: "Then where are they?" Oops. "The missionaries ate them?" This is not going well. "Okay, Skip. I'm going to level with you right here. I went back to sleep for a half-hour after you left for school. When I woke up again, I ate most of that loaf of banana bread you were hoping to have with your lunch. Mommy is experiencing something of a holiday hangover. Mormon-style. That banana bread was just hair of the dog, if you catch my drift. I chased it down with some disgustingly flat Martinelli's leftover from New Year's Eve, and then logged in to check my e-mail and pretended to be working on writing the roadshow, while actually playing around on Facebook."

Skippy: "Oh."

Footnote: I'm not going to lie. I actually got a lot done today. In fact, you would probably be surprised by all the things I get done every day. It's not your fault for not realizing. I look deceptively lazy. It is one of my secret superpowers.