The One Where She Blogged Instead of Working

Guilty. And that pretty much describes every single one of my blog posts. I am a huge fan of procrastination. Well, fan may not be the right word. I am a supporter of procrastination, in the way that someone supports McDonald’s by driving through and getting a Big Mac every day even though their cholesterol and their weight are both over 320. I support it like a smoker supports Marlboro. Like my kids support television. Like…well, you get the picture.

My children inherited my procrast- inatory nature. Apparently my grandson has, as well. Everyone is tired of waiting for him, so Monday they were going to make things very uncomfortable so that he had to come out. But in true McD fashion, when he heard there was an actual deadline, he kicked it in, and they went to the hospital last night in labor. Of course, having avoided the deadline, he will now take his sweet time with the whole labor and delivery thing.

And as for me, I have to hurry up and finish all the things I have been putting off before I leave town. There are quite a few. Did I ever mention I don’t do well with live plants or pets? Part of that is the whole procrastination thing, and part of it is, I am a people person, not a plant and animal person. Fact: I have never once gotten so involved in a good book that I went hour after hour without feeding the baby. Fact: I have never walked by the kids day after day after day after day without giving them a drink until they shriveled into brown sticks and had to be thrown in the greenwaste. Fact: I never forget that I have left one of them in a wire hutch in the back yard only to find out that the sun killed them in the heat of the afternoon. Fact: I have never secretly hated them and plotted to give them away for wetting on the carpet. Fact: I have never left the neighbor kid ten dollars to make sure that one of my kids got a bowl of dry nuggets and a bowl of water in the backyard while I was gone for a week. Fact: I have never found one of my kids floating in brackish water and quickly flushed them down the toilet before the other family members could see. Fact: I have never thought to myself, I should have gone with the fake one, these real ones are just way too much work to take care of. Okay, I might have thought that once or twice, but come on…I had five little boys under eight years old. Cabbage Patch Kids start looking pretty good. So cut me some slack. And now I’ve really got to go… I have a lot of stuff I’ve been putting off.

Josh & Jessi's firstborn was dragged kicking and screaming into the world at 5:07 p.m., his weight of 10 pounds, 1 ounce, causing his mother to push for over three hours. As my friend Greg points out, this baby and I will be good friends, seeing how we have a common enemy, so I have to take his side on this one. But I think his mother has good cause to throw today up in his face anytime he misbehaves for, oh, say, the next twenty years or so...