The One Where We Had to Give Cambria Away

Yesterday my brain hurt, and today...it has pretty much exploded. So I am lying in my bed, waiting for some aspirin and caffeine to make a dent in this monster of a migraine I have had all morning, and I hear a commotion downstairs at the front door. I can tell almost immediately that it is Cambria banishing Skippy back indoors, so that she can play with her friends without a tag-along half her age.

Skippy tells me on a regular basis: Cambria is so mean to me.

So today, I figured he would come and find me where I was languishing in my bed, to tell me just that. And he did come and find me. But he had a new approach. It was this: Mama, I want Cambria out of our family. Really, Skippy? Do you think we should give her away to some other family? As Skippy realized that I was receptive to his idea, his little face began to brighten. Yes! Another family! I think quick on my feet (even when I am flat on my back), and so I said, Skippy, I have a great idea. What if we gave Cambria away to a family of wolves? Or maybe bears. His eyes lit up with the magic of the idea.

But no. Mama, I don’t want Cambria to die…just go out of our family. If she went to the wolves, or the bears, they would eat her all gone. Hmm. You’re probably right, Skippy. So what do you suggest? I know! The family with the man with all the white hairs. White hairs? I ask… Yes, but not on his head. All over him, except right here, and right here (he indicates the palms of his hands and the soles of his bare feet). At this point I am picturing some mythical creature…maybe a yeti or a hobbit… I don’t know. They have the little boy Taylor in their family. Do you mean the family across the street? Yes! The Andertons! Hmm. I never thought of him as being particularly hirsute. Well, Skip, interesting thought. But you realize, that if we give Cambria away to the Andertons, that every time you go outside to play, she will still be there, being mean.

Skippy agreed. It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic. So I asked if I could think about it, and come up with a better solution. He said that would be fine. I told him it could take a couple of days to come up with just the right place for her. A couple of days! His face fell. He wanted her out today. I told him that I thought if we gave Cambria away, that he would probably miss her a lot. Yes! he said. We can make her an “I miss you” letter. That will be fun. And he immediately disappeared to find some paper and crayons.

I remember when my big boys were little, and Josh and Ty were being particularly mean to Casey. Early one evening, I had had enough, and I walked Casey to a neighbor’s house, and then came home and told Josh and Tyler that I had given Casey away to another family, because they were too mean to him. They cried and cried, and begged me to get him back. I have a feeling this ploy would not work so well on Skippy. So I guess my options are limited. We may have to try Skippy’s suggestion of putting an ad in the church bulletin. Wanted: new home for bright, creative and cheerful almost-12-year-old. She is helpful, hard-working and has a blistering vocabulary. We will furnish a thesaurus. Best for families without almost-six-year-old boys.

P.S. Okay, so I was telling DK about this experience, and Skippy overheard us talking, and he looked at me like I was crazy when I was telling about Mr. Anderton, with the white hair all over... he said, “NO, Mama, the DADDY is not the one with the white hairs... it is their DOGGY, TOBY.” Well, holy cow, Skip, that DOES make more sense, now doesn't it???