The One With Me Vs. the Glass Mannequin

Okay, I will admit it. I am just the teensiest bit competitive. Even with my own kids sometimes. I really enjoy beating Dillon at a game of HORSE. I like beating Skippy at being the first to buckle my seatbelt when we get in the car. And I really, really like to get more blog hits than Ethan. As in all the other cases where I am inappropriately competitive, Ethan informs me all the time that it is not a competition. But those hits show up right next to each other in my stat counter, so how can that not be a competition?

In February, I had 849, and Ethan had 785. But there were a few days there, where it was touch and go…I haven’t had a computer very much for a couple of weeks, and the hits naturally decline when I don’t write anything. I am under a distinct disadvantage, too, because I do not have a following of over 50 teenage girls… nor can I muster the same drama as Ethan’s tortured 17-year-old soul.

I mean, I write a post about picking Skippy up from school. Ethan writes a post entitled “Prince of Hell.” I write about emoticons, which is sadly, one of my more exciting topics, and Ethan counters with “Comprehension of Damnation” and “The Essence of Hell” (oh, and by the way, Ethan, Axe called, and they want to use that name for their new body spray). Me: “The One With the Kitty Backpack.” Ethan: “Melancholy,” and “What’s a Boy Got to Do For a Tip?” Do you see my problem? This kid generates so much teen angst that Romeo and Juliet would blush. Even the blog title is telling. I am “The Welcome Mat,” and Ethan is “Glass Mannequin.” What does that even mean?

Oh, and in the course of writing this post, I noticed that I have been removed as a follower of Ethan’s blog. Maybe I was bringing up the median age…but it was probably just one too many snarky comments. I’ve been known to leave such a scathing remark as to cause him to delete the entire post. He also un-friended me on Facebook for the same reason. But not to worry on that count…we use the same computer. He doesn’t very often forget to log out of Facebook, but on those rare occasions when he does, I change his status to say something like, “Ethan takes himself way too seriously,” or “Ethan apologizes for all his overly dramatic status updates.” All of that extra effort I expend…and I don’t think he even appreciates it. In fact, the other day, he was describing someone, and he said, “They are mean, but in a nice sort of way. Kind of like you, Mom.” I take exception to that. I consider myself to be nice. But in a mean sort of way. Anyone who knows me, will attest that I am far more sarcastic and sharp-tongued in person than I am in my blog. Do you see? I’m taking one for the team, here, by suppressing my gift of cruel wit, and Ethan doesn’t suppress anything. If he feels it, thinks it, or maybe even notices it lying by the side of the road, it is going right out there on his blog.

But, as I mentioned, despite his loyal young female following, the score in our “non-contest” was 849-785 for February. Okay, so Ethan had even less time to post than I did. He was working 30 hours a week, graduating early from high school and finishing his eagle scout, so that he can report to Marine Basic Training in two weeks, where he has been accepted into the Marine Band, playing French horn. And in the interest of full disclosure, he is edging me out for March. But hey, the month is young. All I need are about 40 more adoring followers who hang on my every word, and who think I am going to look fabulous and brave, yet tortured, in a uniform.