Monday, November 10, 2008
A lot of people call me for answers. How do I make pulled pork? I get a lot of cooking questions. How should I lose weight? Easy: don't make the pulled pork. My husband said __________ (fill in the blank). What do you think? I almost always agree with your husband, unless he is an idiot. What should I send my son for Christmas? How much roast beef should we buy to feed 300 people at the Ward Christmas Party? Do you have the sheet music for "In the Hollow of Thy Hand?" Insert eye rolling here. Is it exhausting having seven kids? You really have to ask that? Don't you believe in birth control? None of your business. Funnily enough, I even get medical questions; I am not a doctor. No, bloody urine is never a good thing. Even funnier is when the medical questions come from my daughter-in-law, who happens to be a nurse. I am flattered and honored by the questions...I do like to solve problems. I must just look old and weathered enough to have the answers.
But, today, I have a few questions of my own. Why is it that a 15-year-old boy would rather walk twenty miles barefoot in the snow than simply clean his room? Why did my feet keep growing even after I got married? Why is it that I am folding the same clothes that I folded a week ago, and I didn't see you actually wear the clothes? Why is it that I am the only one in the house who knows how to a) replace an empty toilet paper tube, b) wipe the kitchen counter, or c) answer the phone? Why do guys have such a hard time finding things? It is true...if I call 4-1-1 for a phone number, and a man answers, I simply hang up and try again. (I hate to stereotype...by way of apology I'm posting pictures of some of my favorite guys...that's Dillon and Skippy in the top photo) Why can't we play Wii for family home evening? Oops, that question was Skippy's. I'm starting to get wrinkles...doesn't that mean I shouldn't still be getting acne? Why do those spots in the carpet come back, no matter what I do? Why must I be a computer programmer just to figure out how to put cool stuff in my blog? Why does everything sound better in Italian? What does the United States Vice President do, again? Wow, now that I've gotten started, there are really a lot more things I would like to know. I'll have to pick it up later... right now it is time for that eternal question: What am I going to make for dinner?