The One Where Victoria Goes Green

Did you wake up this morning, look out on your lawn, and think, "What am I going to do with the political yard signs?" Of course you did. And I have an answer. Recycle. Give back to the earth by finding a new use for those signs.

I am not a gym person. In fact, the last time I went to the gym, the kid working at the desk said, "Ma'am (that was the first bad sign), I have never seen a gym pass like that. I'm going to need to get the manager." When his 16-year-old manager came over, the two of them determined that they haven't used my style of pass since before they were born. When I asked if they could show me how to use the machines, they really didn't have to start with the indoor plumbing. Come on! They actually had real, flushing toilets in the eighties. Listen, it is people like me, who pay $24 every single month for years on end, even though they never have any intention of going to the gym, who give you job security and support your steroids and Red Bull habit.

The problem is, I don't want to have MacArthur arms. Otherwise known as "bat wings." My friend Jan dubbed them MacArthur arms...I don't really know why. In all the pictures of Douglas MacArthur I could find (that's him with the pipe), his arms were not exactly his problem area, if you know what I mean. 

So over the last two weeks, I have perfected a highly effective upper-body workout using nothing but your standard, two-pronged political yard sign. You can do it too. Once you have grasped the strong, yet flexible wire prongs, one in each hand, you simply wave the sign back and forth. Think big...really move those arms. You can vary your workout by utilizing an up-and-down motion from time to time. I know the election is over, but it is far more motivating to do this workout on the street, where cars can honk at you for encouragement.

Really, any political stake-style yard sign will work for this simple workout. But if you want to expand your workout to include some lower-body work, I would advise using a "Yes on Prop. 8" sign. You really can't underestimate the strength and agility that you gain from dodging full cups of coffee and other refuse from passing motorists as you stand out at the side of the street. The street-side workout is also much more entertaining than standing in a gym. Until this last week, I had no idea there were so many ways to flip someone off. So go green. Grab a yard sign. In the words of the immortal Douglas MacArthur, "There is no security on this earth; there is only opportunity."