The One Where I Hit My Head on a Rock

It is 1:30 a.m. and I need a break from mixing songs. I just spent a half hour in my car over at the lake. Why? Because it has a nice Bose sound system (the car, not the lake), and I wanted to hear a burn of the whole CD to check for problems. Did I find problems? YES. It is kind of an eye-opening... or maybe ear-opening experience. So I have a list of things to work on for every song. But I need a short break, so I am going to throw two random thoughts out there.

The first one is that when I am tired I do strange and sometimes not-so-good things. For instance, I just hit my head on a rock hard enough that it is bleeding through my hair. Yes, a rock. We have a pillar on the way into our house, right by the front door, that is paved in rocks, which have sharp edges that stick out. I bent over to pick something up in the dark just now, and misjudged where the edge of the pillar was, and just about knocked myself out when I stood up again. I don’t think that is something I would do if I was caught up on sleep.

Next random thought: I have some favorite moments on this new CD. Not just songs... yes, I have favorite songs too. But there are some “moments” that are pretty much amazing. There is one in the duet that Rachel and Kevin sing called “What Would You Say” where they are singing in full voice, and Rachel’s vocals carry out and Kevin does this kind of “flip” on the end of his, that just gets me. Another one was a surprise that happened just yesterday. “Santa’s Really There” is a song I have been dreading because I wasn’t sure what I could possibly do to give it the cool jazzy sound it needed. And then yesterday a Marine named Charlie Arbalaez showed up on my doorstep with his saxophone. He gave this song so much attitude. When I am listening to it I almost feel like I can play sax, or like I AM playing it. And there are two or three “moments” in that song where no matter how tired or down I am feeling (and believe me there have been plenty of both this weekend!) I find myself smiling... almost laughing, because it is so fun, what Charlie did with it. Away in a Manger... this one has two “moments.” The first one is the vocals on a key change. It makes me smile every time I hear it (I decline to mention why at this moment), and the second is right after the key change, where the song almost starts sounding like Riverdance, thanks to some awesome post-production by Kevin Anthony.

The last “moment” that comes to mind right now is in the song “That’s My King.” This one got a rescue from the Marines as well. Bob Siletzky (I think Sergeant Bob Siletzky) from the San Diego Marine Band lent his trumpet skills to this one. I am kind of proud of the arranging I did on this one, with the trumpets. Garry knew since the middle of summer that he wanted horns for it, and so I have been coming up with this arrangement in my head, and to hear it with real trumpet... wow. But the moment. Okay, so the moment comes right before the last chorus. Garry sings from the point of view of a man in Bethlehem the night the Savior is born, and he spends that night searching for the baby, but without ever finding him. Right before the last chorus, the music builds as he sings, “Though I didn’t get to see the babe, or hold him in my arms, I can marvel at the gift he freely gives...” and for me that may be the best moment of the whole CD. There are times when I am listening to a live music performance and when the sound is so big that it just seems to live in me, rather than being something at a distance, then I feel this swell of emotion. That is what happens every time I get to that moment in the song. And believe me when I tell you I have listened to this song probably sixty times just this weekend alone... and it still works, every single time. Or maybe I just got hit in the head by a rock. Oh, yeah.

Well, it is now 1:47. Fifteen minutes’ break, over. Time to finish this thing. I know this sounds crazy but I have to make all the changes I wrote down, burn another CD and then go sit in my car and listen again. Edit, burn, listen, repeat.... and repeat. I am so tired, but we are going to make our deadline tomorrow! That means you will have CDs to buy a week before Thanksgiving! And I think I can safely say that it is going to be good enough that you might have a few “moments” of your own when you listen. Thanks everyone, for being so supportive as we have attempted to do this crazy task of writing, recording and producing a CD this year, and the crazier stunt of putting on concerts as well. It has been a wild ride.

The One With the Sneak Peek

Hey! If you haven’t been following my other blog, this is the time to start. I am in the last few weeks of producing a new Christmas album, and I am starting to post sneak peeks and other fun stuff. The latest is a song I recorded with Tandy earlier in the week. Please go over and check it out... start following... and leave me some comments over there! Thank you. :)

Archangel Records Blog

The One Where We Got a Little Work Done

Keeping my head above water has been a little difficult lately. And not just because it is pouring rain out there again. But busy is good, especially when I am working for awesome things, like weddings and music and such.

I have a few more hours of work ahead of me tonight… but I wanted to take a few minutes out to update over here, and I wanted to post this song that I recorded with Garry over the weekend. It is called “My Soul Hungered,” written by Steven K. Jones and Kurt Bestor. It is a beautiful song and it was so fun to record.

I really can’t thank Garry enough for doing this project with me, and hopefully many more to come. He is so talented at writing and he has a great ear for editing as well. I have never been able to write a song with anyone before, let alone ten of them. That is a miracle to me, and it is a miracle to me that he is taking so much of the workload of this giant project. Probably most importantly, he makes everything fun. I can’t even tell you how awesome he is.

In the next couple of weeks there will be a new song up on YouTube that we worked on this week. I can’t wait! In the meantime, here is “My Soul Hungered.” Once again I am having issues with uploading songs, so I had to use a new playlist generator. The playlist was ugly and clunky, and naturally I want it to be beautiful and elegant and it bugs me when it is not.... so I came up with this alternative. Hopefully it works well. In order to do it I had to do a crash course in iMovie, and I am definitely no expert. For some reason it is quieter than it should be. So turn up the volume and enjoy. Or, you can check it out over at our Archangel Records Facebook page. The Facebook video player is much better than the Blogger video player. Oh, and if you haven’t “liked us” yet over on Facebook, please do!

The One That is Not About Dystopia

 

Doesn’t that sound just like a disease? Or at the very least some sort of eye disorder? It isn’t. And no, I’m not writing about it today. I’m just gathering my thoughts to talk about it later this week. For today, I posted elsewhere. So please, don’t comment here... I mean, what could you possibly have to say? Go read my A-Z post over there and leave me some comment love. I get lonely. In case you missed the two perfectly obvious links, CLICK HERE NOW.

If you are late tuning in and have no idea what I am talking about, I am currently hard at work on a project to produce a new CD of Christmas music for this year, and the “It’s Never Too Early” blog is where I vent, brag and contradict (Garry co-authors that blog from the “He Said” perspective). It is fun and doesn’t really have a lot to do with Christmas, so go read. You can tune in later in the week for some dystopia.

The One Right After Christmas

I thought about taking down Christmas decorations, but the mere thought made me tired. So I changed the background on the blog instead. Mission accomplished! We have to take these small victories where we find them, right?

Things have been crazy around here. But here is the catch-up in a nutshell.

1. Reese. This is an alias... to go with Skippy and Jif. I like it. I am a Reese's fan from way back. Yes, I have a granddaughter. That is pretty crazy. She was born on December 5th, and she is entirely beautiful. She was 8 lbs. 12 oz. and has just the littlest bit of blonde hair and fair skin. We are all pretty much smitten by her.

2. Casey is engaged to Hannah. Score! They are to be married March 12th in the Salt Lake Temple. We are having an open house here on March 19th, and no, I have no plans. Hmm. Should get on that. Hannah is amazing, and we are pretty excited to get another girl in the family.

3. If you didn't read my last post, I am up to my eyeballs in writing Christmas songs. I know... Christmas just happened. But for Christmas 2011 there is to be a new CD and CONCERTS! As of today, the Bell Tower in Rancho Santa Margarita has been booked for December 16th and 17th, 2011 for the concerts. I am super excited about that. I have started a new blog about it with my friend Garry, and I would so so so so so appreciate it if you would go over there and check it out, and click to Follow the blog, and please pretty please leave comments. Some bloggy love would be so nice. We are posting over there every single week ALL YEAR! It is scary and fun and exciting all at once.

A few more days without school, and I am trying my best to finish writing some music, so send me some bloggy love and maybe a casserole. xoxo

The One With the Muffins (or, What’s Been Eating Victoria)

This morning I was having my first lazy day in quite awhile. I was actually doing a crossword puzzle, while waiting for clothes to finish in the dryer… when I heard the doorbell. I went downstairs to find a friend at the door. She was bearing muffins from Cinnamon Productions, our favorite breakfast spot, and she was wielding them like a weapon... one designed to get her in the front door for a sort of intervention.

She informed me, in the nicest way possible, that when I don’t post on my blog for weeks on end, that people worry and they don’t know what is going on with me, and she, for one, is tired of waiting for me to snap out of it, and tired of wondering if I am languishing in despair over here. I’m not (but she is not the only one who has been asking me...).

I am not promising regular posts. But I can’t resist me a good muffin, so here goes. On the menu tonight, some total honesty. I would like to say I have just been too busy to post. It is true in its way. I have been a very busy girl. I have been working at an actual job, which doesn’t go over very well with me, since I decided when I was about 20 that I was done having anyone else boss me around. My attitude will probably ensure that I will not work there too long. I have had a busy time with my church jobs. Not only do I teach my cute 10-year-old girls every Sunday, but I am also what is called Activity Day Leader for about ten girls from ages 9-11, and I get to plan activities for them. This past weekend I planned a daddy-daughter campout for them, and got nine girls and their dads out to O’Neill Park for a great campout complete with Dutch oven peach cobbler, hobo pies, foil dinners and s’mores… along with a raging fire that probably should have brought the park rangers at a run. So yes, I have been busy. I could use that excuse.

I could say that I just don’t have anything interesting to say. I don’t really treat my blog like a journal… certainly not a daily one. I also generally only post a recipe because someone has requested it, or because I just completely lack in anything exciting to talk about. It is hard for me to understand why anyone would want to read about my life. It is not super exciting. And I really don’t like to be uninteresting.

But the real reason I have not been blogging, is that I don’t like to say everything is just great, when it doesn’t feel just great. I also don’t like to be a total downer and complain about things, because let’s be honest here… I have a pretty great life. I have an amazing family and friends and I don’t have much to complain about. But the truth is, for the last while I have not felt like things were going just how I want them to. And when I get on the blog and act like they are, then it starts sounding all fake and forced, and I really get annoyed if I notice that I don’t sound like myself. So I opted to just stop blogging for awhile, rather than do that.


So what has been eating Victoria, you ask? It is pretty simple. It is my music. Last year at the beginning of the year, I said I was making a CD. A Christmas CD. It was going to be great. I had a whole year to do it. And then opposition set in, and discouragement, and road blocks, followed by hand injuries. Suddenly it was September, and I got back on track to make a CD, and only had two months to do it. Pretty ridiculous. The only thing that saved me was the fact that everything fell into place. The singers I wanted made themselves available at short notice. Instrumentalists. Things I had no idea how to do on the computer… suddenly revealed themselves to me. Divine intervention is the only possible explanation… and I felt it every step of the way for two sleepless months. And I completed that CD.

I could take a break for a year or two. I know that. But I also knew back in January of this year, that I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to make another CD. I wanted it to be better production quality. I learned so much making that first one, and I know a lot of ways to improve on what I did. I didn’t know what kind of CD I needed to make exactly, but I had the distinct impression that Heavenly Father was telling me that I had more to do. And now. So I told myself… and a few others… that I was making another. “And guess what,” I said. “This time, no messing around. No self-doubt. No winding paths with dangerous detours. This time I would focus, work all year, and no last-minute crunches for me.”

And then life set in. Discouragement. Opposition. Self-doubt. Lack of inspiration. Lack of direction. Do you know how much easier it would be if God would just tell me to write a book? I am not saying I could get one published… but seriously, it would be so much easier to tackle a project if I only had to motivate and organize one person: myself. Doing a CD is more like herding cats. It requires the help and cooperation of multiple other people to sing and play instruments and come and record, sometimes late at night and for way too many hours, for no pay. They can get discouraged and tired too. They have busy lives. They may not want to help me at all. I can’t control any of that.

So I finally realized a couple of months ago the direction that I wanted to go with the music. But I kept hitting a brick wall, whenever I tried to figure out the idea for the actual CD. Then a couple of weeks ago, I prayed. I fasted. I felt a lot of anguish in my heart, knowing that I was supposed to be doing something with this music, but not knowing the direction to go. I got an answer! I knew what had to be on the CD. I knew the sound I was looking for. Not only that, but I know I can do this. I have a lot of the confidence back. Yes, it is always a little out of my comfort zone, but I have faith that the miracles can happen again. I can make this. It was not an idea for a commercial CD, but for a collection of uplifting songs and hymns with a particularly Victoria slant.

As soon as I knew what I wanted to do, and with whom, and how, then songs started to come into my head. Three really great ones, just over the past few weeks! I was so excited, that I contacted a professional violinist that records with a lot of great artists, and asked her if she might be interested in helping, once I got the vocals done. Not only was she willing and able, but she was super excited to be on the CD, and offered to do a trade… she would play for me, if I would play for a project or two for her. Sweet!

But here I am now some three weeks later, and would you believe… I am hitting that same old brick wall again, headfirst. My poor head is getting sore. I don’t know what to do about it, and I will admit to you that it has made my heart hurt even more. It feels as though once again, like so many times over the last few months, the very wind has been sucked out of my sails, and I am plummeting head over heels toward some very sharp rocks. I should be clear here: I will not hit those rocks. I will be fine. The music… it is just one part of my life, not my whole life. But it is the sore spot. It is the place where I bit my tongue, and every time I talk or try to eat, I can feel that sore spot, and I remember it again. It hurts, and it sucks the fun out. It is what makes me feel like sometimes I am just going through the motions.

So I am kind of back to square one. This CD is going in the drawer of doom, along with the failed songs and the half-baked ideas from the last many months. I don’t know what is next. I do believe that the inspiration was real. But just because I get inspired doesn’t mean that everything else just falls into place. John Mayer says, “No it won’t all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good.” It is. So I will keep playing around with writing, and believe me, my life is filled with plenty of things that keep me more than just busy. I will try to blog about some of them. I told my friend that it would not be too much trouble to write a few lines every couple of weeks. This is long enough that it should probably cover me for the next month.

I wish one of you could just fix my problem. Maybe demolish some of those brick walls I keep hitting. It really doesn’t work that way, though. I have to be a little more patient for everything to work out. And it always does work out. And I may not be quite myself, but I am also not sitting around crying. In fact, I have had a totally great day. The sore spot is still there, but for now I’m just trying not to touch it quite so often.

Happy Easter... or The One With the Soldier Song

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this song. I had a great experience writing it about a year ago, but then when I tried to record it last summer I realized the song just wasn’t good enough, and I ended up tossing it in a drawer for several months. When Tandy had to sing for a baptism a couple of months ago, I suddenly thought of it and dug it out. What was I thinking about when I wrote this? So many things! Jeffrey R. Holland, Band of Brothers, the Atonement, missionaries and the Marine Crucible... it was a lot of inspiration. There is a lot of me in this song, for better or for worse.

I wrote “Right Here Where I Stand” for a man to sing, and although I think it is very touching the way Tandy sings it, she and I both agree that it should still be sung by a male vocalist, if I decide to use it. In the meantime, though, I wanted to post this special recording as an Easter gift, and expression of my love and appreciation for the Savior. Please leave a comment if you enjoy it.

Right Here Where I Stand

Once the Lord of all the earth
Descended lower than us all.
His power spent to purchase grace
No one left to heed his call.
At the last, he stood there, left alone
With only love that has no end.
But as long as I can draw a breath,
He’ll never stand alone again.

I will stand and wait for him.
I will never be ashamed.
I will stand and wait for him
And bear his holy name.
My heart is not troubled
And I am not afraid.
I know that he will find me
Right here where I stand.
Right here where I stand.

You know it is not easy
This war we fight each day.
We are strangers in this foreign land
Soldiers caught up in the fray.
And some days I grow so weary
Until I think I cannot fight
But then I see him suffering there for me
And struggle on with all my might.

In the fiery wind of battle
I can hear the desperate cries
Of wounded men who wander, blind
From smoke that clouds their eyes.
If they can only hold on
And hear the Savior’s call
I will find my brothers and carry them.
I may bleed, but I will never fall.

I will stand and wait for him.
I will never be ashamed.
I will stand and wait for him
And bear his holy name.
My heart is not troubled
And I am not afraid.
I know that he will find me,
He’ll come again in all his glory
And when he comes that day, he’ll find me
Right here where I stand.
Right here where I stand.
Right here where
I stand.

Credits:
* If you click on Jeffrey R. Holland’s name above, you can read the talk that was part of my inspiration for this song. I just love it.
* The painting I featured is “Awaiting the Command” by Jon McNaughton. Go to his website here and click on symbolism. It is incredible!
* Tandy is currently in the MTC in Provo, Utah, learning Japanese as she is serving a full-time mission for the Lord in Kobe, Japan. I love and miss her.

The Noisy One

Today I made nine hours of French recordings, with another nine or ten to do tomorrow. And suddenly I was reminded why I made most of my CD recordings in the middle of the night.
When I listen to the mic through the headphones,
I hear
Skippy screaming with his friends on the trampoline
So many birds it reminds me of waking up in Hawaii
Bells at the elementary school
Two car alarms (or just one, twice?)
The front door slamming four times
Super Mario Brothers
A siren
A toilet flushing (too many times to count)
Dogs barking
An owl who ought to be asleep
The ice machine in the refrigerator
The phone ringing
A motorcycle three streets away
Casey taking a shower in the bathroom directly above our heads

I think I prefer to work in the quiet of the night. But now I am going to bed. After this day, I am seriously afraid I may dream en français…

(You should probably read this post in your best French accent... that is how I wrote it) 

The One Where She Caught a Break

I caught a little break this week. I have been trying to stay on top of things, and for someone who is practically a shut-in, I always seem to have a lot of little things to do. Preparing lessons and planning activities for girls at my church, baking twelve loaves of bread so far this week… those are just the usual. But I have had something more important weighing on my mind. Maybe I should say someone more important. Tandy.

If you followed my Christmas music blog, or listened to any of the music, or bought a CD, then you know who Tandy is. She is one of my favorite singers. I know that I am supposed to make another CD this year, and I have been determined not to wait until I only have two months left before I start. I also know that I would really like for Tandy to sing two or three songs on that CD. The only thing is, Tandy is leaving. She is going to be serving a mission for our church in Kobe, Japan, and she leaves in three weeks!

I already have one song I want her to sing, but I wanted to write and record two original songs in addition to that one. So this week I set a goal that I would get one of the songs written. There is a really nice lady named Zoe who is planning to be baptized on Saturday, and she asked Tandy to sing at her baptism. Since I actually work better with a purpose and a deadline, I decided Monday that I would write a song that Tandy could sing on Saturday for the baptism. I was barely hyperventilating about that at all.

So yesterday I made myself sit down at the keyboard and start playing. I kept playing a certain melody that sounded familiar, but couldn’t quite place it. Then it came to me: I already have a song! The melody was from a song I wrote in the summer. I tried to record it, but it wasn’t working. Something wasn’t right about the words, the melody, the accompaniment, or all three. I just don’t know. It was very discouraging at the time. I felt like I had felt so inspired to write those words, and yet they didn’t work. It made me question what I was doing, and I threw the whole thing… not into the trash, but into my deepest drawer, and covered it with papers.

So yesterday I dug it out, dusted it off, and played through it with Tandy. And guess what! We are doing it for the baptism… and then recording it next week. I feel like I just got a little boost that I wasn’t expecting. The Spirit is like that sometimes, when you least expect it, and sometimes don’t even deserve it. Now I can’t wait for Saturday! If you want to hear the premiere of the song, you can come to the baptism:).

I haven’t decided whether I will post music that is going to be on my next CD. What do you think? Do you listen to it? You can tell me the truth. Meanwhile, I thought I would put up a hymn for you, in case you do. I admit, I hate it when we sing this when a missionary leaves. It makes everyone cry. I think I begged them not to do it when my boys left on their missions. But I still love the hymn… Mind you, this is very rough, so ignore mistakes!

The One Where She Can’t Get it Out of Her Head

I have been working on music this week. Not quite sure where to go with it right now, but I am trying.

This song... Prodigal Son...  has been in my mind a lot lately. It is a song that I think is really fun, but it is more than that. In a way, it seems like this song encapsulates what the composing and recording process is like. It was fun and it was frustrating. It was simple, but I managed to make it complicated. I worked the longest on it, yet it is not finished. The bottom line is, I know when I listen to it, that I didn’t capture the performance I was looking for. I love the way my Christmas CD turned out, but I learned so much this year... much of it, actually, while recording and editing this song... and I know I can do this so much better. It is my dream to hear it with no regrets.

I don’t know if “no regrets” is possible. Like the song, it is all about repentance, forgiveness, moving on to the next thing. Like I said, simple... but I can usually manage to make it complicated:).

{Artwork is “Father and Son Dancing” by one of my favorite artists, Brian Kershisnik. If you would like to read more about how I wrote the song, you can check out this post from last year.}
 


Click on the mp3 player to listen:

Prodigal Son

I’ve been walking this path for far too long
I feel weak
It’s harder and harder to breathe
I know
It’s just a case of choosing right or wrong
But in this dark place
Sometimes I can barely see.


Show me
The way I can finally be free
There’s a fire that’s burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins and hurt to thee
Take my troubles
I’m giving them all away.


You have had the perfect answers all along
You tried to tell me
But I didn’t have ears to hear
Now there’s music where before I heard no song
And when you sing
The message becomes so clear.


Will you show me
The way I can finally be free?
There’s a fire that is burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins to thee
Lay my troubles down
At my Savior’s feet
I’m giving them all away.


Please
Forgive me for the times I turned away
How’d I forget that
I was my father’s son?
I let temptation lead me so far astray
That it left me
No other choice but to run.


I think I see
The way I can finally be free
There’s a fire that is burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins to thee
Lay my troubles down
I’m giving them all away.

Lay my troubles down
I’m giving them all away.


Still, it’s not enough to say that I’ve come home
I’m your servant
Yearning to do my part
Father, as long as I live I’ll never roam
Just look inside me
You’ll find a disciple’s heart.


Now I finally see
How to live and be free
There’s a fire that’s burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins to thee
Lay my troubles down
At my Savior’s feet
I’m giving them all away.

The one where the CD store opens

DK here as a guest blogger. I’ve got big news! The day has come. Victoria now has a storefront for pre-order of her first, published CD. She has been working long hours to get the ducks in a row. You can check it out (literally) at VixMusic.ecrater.com.

Guest artists have travelled great distances (some, thousands of miles)--thanks Ric and Garry and others. Tandy and Stephanie were in the studio this morning; Ric, until late last night. Cupcake is laying down tracks like crazy. It’s all very exciting. BTW, the CD will have 4 traditional numbers and 10 of Victoria’s new compositions.

So check out the other blog VixChristmasMusic for the ongoing story of the CD and the production of the music.

Several people have expressed a desire to order several CDs for special Christmas gifts e for friends, family, even work associates. The music has a special quality that is just filled with the Spirit. Here’s the thing: the production run will be limited. Once they are gone, they are gone. The first run will be available in plenty of time for holiday gift-giving.

I hope that friends from all over find this to be a delightful addition to their holidays. Check back to this blog to hear occasional postings of new songs as they are completed. Follow the story at VixChristmasMusic. For those who want the actual CDs, order early. They will be shipping just as soon as they are published.

You can’t believe the work it takes to prepare music for publication. But I think you’ll agree with me, it is worth it. And when you’re ready, give the new storefront a try. VixMusic

DK-out. )

The One Where She is Not Too Proud to Beg

This last week has been a little overwhelming. I am not used to trying to be organized and disciplined. I don’t wear a watch. I don’t use a calendar. Just to be clear… I am also pretty good at following through on commitments and being on-time. I just like to maintain the illusion for myself that I am not overscheduled. But I had a catering job, company, piano lessons and music recording commitments this week, so I had to try to schedule myself more carefully than usual. I didn’t get everything done.

I realized a couple of things. The first thing is, that I may not get much sleep in October. This is do or die. The other thing I realized is, I need help. Truly, and desperately. I am working on getting help with my CD project, because I know I can’t finish it in time if I have another week like this one. I am also trying to scale back my participation in other activities for the month of October. I also need some help over here in blogville. I feel like I have been settling, by just posting recipes every now and again. While that is fun sometimes, it is not how I think of my blog. So I am wondering if some of my blog friends would like to be guest posters on my blog during the next couple of weeks. I am going to ask some family members to participate... but I thought it would be also be interesting to hear from some others, so...

I am calling you out… Fruit of the Carolyn, Bakow Babble, Cranberry Fries, Duffy Doings, Kristin @ Alpine Klein Bunch, Matt and Corinne Bos, Pike’s Pickles, My Amusements, Obsessions and Things, It’s Miller Time, Italian Signorina, Sad But True… I am begging for your help. The posts don’t have to be long. Will you do a guest post on my blog? These are just a few of the folks I read all the time… I know I’m forgetting people... Jamie... Jan... Linda... Life is Beauty-ful? so if I didn’t mention you and you would like to be my guest, even if you don’t have a blog... just give a holler (or, this being the Halloween season, a screech). So friends, what say you?

The One With the Prodigal

And now for something completely different.

A new song. And yes... I know, I know... this song is actually kind of country! I am more an alternative rock girl, but listen. This song has all of my blood, sweat and tears in it. When I wrote it, the order went: first music, then words, then title. That is pretty much the opposite of how I usually do it. But I wrote the music months ago. It is so difficult to just come up with words to fit music. One night I finally decided, either I come up with lyrics for this tonight, or I am just going to have to throw the music away. Well, I got the words that night... one verse at a time. I finished it, and then thought to myself, “What is the title?”

And then I read back over the words as though they were a poem. And I saw it. I had written my own version of the Prodigal Son. It was a revelation. I love the story of the prodigal son. It is funny though... when I was younger, I identified with the brother. The one who never went astray. I thought that was who I was in the story. I guess I identified with him, and with the unfairness of a wayward sibling that sweeps in after all of the bad things he has done, and everyone makes a big deal of him, even though I have been here all along, trying to do the right thing. Do you ever think that? But as I got older, it hit me. We are all the prodigal! Every one of us. The story of the prodigal is the about the Atonement.

I tried to find some art to go with this post, and everything was too sad looking to go with my upbeat song, so I borrowed Brian Kershisnik’s beautiful Father and Son Dancing once again. I just think it is beautiful, and it has its own story.


Prodigal Son

I’ve been walking this path for far too long
I feel weak
It’s harder and harder to breathe
I know
It’s just a case of choosing right or wrong
But in this dark place
Sometimes I can barely see.

Show me
The way I can finally be free
There’s a fire that’s burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins and hurt to thee
Take my troubles
I’m giving them all away.

You have had the perfect answers all along
You tried to tell me
But I didn’t have ears to hear
Now there’s music where before I heard no song
And when you sing
The message becomes so clear

Will you show me
The way I can finally be free?
There’s a fire that is burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins to thee
Lay my troubles down
At my Savior’s feet
I’m giving them all away.

Please forgive me for the times I turned away
How’d I forget that
I was my father’s son?
I let temptation lead me so far astray
That it left me
No other choice but to run.

I think I see
The way I can finally be free
There’s a fire that is burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins to thee
Lay my troubles down
I’m giving them all away.

Lay my troubles down
I’m giving them all away.

Still, it’s not enough to say that I’ve come home
I’m your servant
Yearning to do my part
Father, as long as I live I’ll never roam
Just look inside me
You’ll find a disciple’s heart

Now I finally see
How to live and be free
There’s a fire that’s burning inside of my soul
I am ready now
To give all my sins to thee
Lay my troubles down
At my Savior’s feet
I’m giving them all away.

The One With Strings Attached

Okay, so Shelley Johnson is seriously amazing. I sent her a roughly-written cello part last week, and this morning she came to record it. She is so professional that we did it in one take. It was cool cool COOL. And then we had a nice talk about artists and finding balance. If you know me, you probably know that I am not the “artist type.” Neither is Shelley. And we like it that way.

I’ve got to tell you, this music thing has really been bugging me. Every since I went to a workshop early this month, my idea to make a CD has been pretty much on hold. I found out that the market for what I am doing is too small. There is no money in it. The songs that are used are mainly churned out by writers in Nashville who write three or four songs a day.

That leaves me wondering what on earth I am doing. But for now, the answer to that is easy. Finish up the songs I have started, and make them as good as I know how. It has been harder than I would have guessed. But I am happy with this one. The song is “The Moments Between.” Sung by Garry Pfile. (click here to read the words). I added orchestration, and Shelley has added her beautiful cello. So… how do you like it now?

The One Where She Still Had to Eat

I am trying to keep my focus today on things I need to finish. You know what that means… no playing around on the blog. But a girl still has to eat, right? How about a totally spectacular lunch, in about ten minutes? Zucchini... tomatoes... mozarella... *sigh*... all I need to go with this is a slice of homemade bread to mop up the juice. OR you could grill up some chicken to park alongside, and call it dinner. In fact, DOUBLE PRIZES! Here is my top secret grilled chicken non-recipe to go with anything Italian... are you ready? Put a couple of chicken breasts in a bowl, and drizzle them with 1 tablespoon of extra-virgin olive oil, and two tablespoons of balsamic vinegar. If you have some fresh rosemary around, like I have growing in my front yard, then chop a tablespoon up and sprinkle it on. Sprinkle all over with grill seasoning (I like Montreal Steak Seasoning), and then mush it all up to coat the chicken, and let it sit for just as long as it takes your grill to heat up. Grill on a medium-hot grill for about six minutes on the first side, and five on the second side. For goodness’ sake, don’t overcook it. Nobody likes dry chicken. You can slice it lengthwise and it will serve about four people, unless they are teenaged boys. That is IT! Chicken for dummies. And everyone will ask you about the fancy marinade. Tell them they can go pound sand, because it is top secret. Now, back to this zucchini... I tell my kids that it tastes like pizza, and they totally fall for it and eat it up, even though it is super good for them. Suckers. I love love love this… mmm… gotta go eat!

Vic’s Zucchini Lunch

The One Where She Is Grounded

I am grounded. It is a punishment my parents didn’t utilize much. Or at all, really. I think they realized that it was like punishment for them. Maybe they couldn’t get me out of the house to begin with. Either that or I was really good and never needed punishing. (Yeah, that’s the ticket) Anyway, I’m making up for their oversight right now. I have been neglecting something important. Something I am passionate about. My songs. Under construction. I need to write three more songs in the next five weeks. So I am going to power through some composing this weekend. Lyrics, here I come. (I’m psyching myself up… can you tell?) I can do this.

From what am I grounded, you ask? (ooh... beautiful grammar) The Blog, of course. My comfy Welcome Mat. I’m not allowed back until I get the lyrics written for one song. I have already grounded myself from the TV, my favorite books… food… I’ve tried to ground myself from my responsibilities, but darn them, they keep following me wherever I go. So really, all that is left is the blog. My last refuge. My home away from home, right in the comfort of my own home. My little bloggity-blog, with my blog-alicious friends. My favorite time-sucking pastime. So close, but just out of my reach. There’s a little tear in my eye, right now.

Just to prove that I’m punishing myself, and not you, I’m posting a little love for you here, in the form of this mp3. Let’s call it “Wait For Me.” Oh! Another little tear… maybe I’ll stay up all night.

The One Where Vic Was Fuming...and Fumigating

Tyler, my handyman, came home last week…only being stopped once for drug possession…and through his Herculean efforts, the downstairs bedroom was transformed…into my beautiful new office/studio. Setting up a home studio is ever so much more complicated than I would have imagined. I thought, get Logic Studio and a microphone and you’re all set! I suppose that was rather naïve of me…

I won’t bore you with all the components, but let’s just say that it consists of about eight more than I listed there, and that doesn’t include the computer or the digital keyboard…and even that doesn’t include all the cables, patch bays, stands, etc. that I haven’t figured out yet. What I found in my research, is that the right microphone is a huge deal. I read, I studied…I read some more. Heavens, I even prayed that I would figure out the right one…because good microphones cost into the thousands of dollars. My budget was to buy a $1000 microphone, and try to get it for under $500 used. I settled on the right mic, and then watched eBay for weeks to find just the perfect deal, and last week, I did it. I set my alarm for midnight, got up and purchased the Holy Grail of $1000 microphones discounted to under $500.

Yesterday it arrived. I held it in my hands. It was smooth, heavy…beautiful…and..wait for it…smelled like an ASHTRAY!!! Mind you, I am not an eBay newbie…I have been “burned” by smoke-permeated items before…items that had to be simply thrown in the trash, because to keep them in the house was impossible. This auction stated: Smoke-free environment. On what planet? On the planet of I have cut down to three packs a day so this is a smoke free environment? That planet? I don’t want to return it…but I will if I have to. For today, send some fresh breezes this way, because I’m going to be airing this baby out. But in the meantime, could someone please explain to me why smokers can’t smell their own residue? I. Don’t. Understand.

The One Where She Kept Mopping Herself Into a Corner

Do you ever mop yourself into a corner? I do that whenever I mop. Which is, admittedly, not often enough. Then I have to figure out how to get out without muddying up the works. I tend to mop myself into the corner in other ways as well. For instance, lately I have been needing to finish up purchases to complete my home sound studio, and lacking the funds, I have felt like I was spinning my wheels. So what do I do? I buy something, and then figure out how to pay for it. DK is wishing I would stop doing that. Have you ever bought a swimsuit just so that you would have to shape up to fit into it by summer? Mopping yourself into a corner.

Many times I have come up with an idea for a business, and before I could talk myself out of it, have sent out flyers advertising it. But you know what? Mopping myself into a corner may not be a bad thing. It can be a way of committing myself to something. After I sent out the business flyers, you can bet I got busy figuring out how I was going to make it happen. It is, perhaps, my way of fighting procrastination, by forcing my own hand. If necessity is the mother of invention, then desperation is the mother of genius…right?

The One With the Steep Learning Curve

Yesterday I found out just exactly how very not smart I am. It only took a piece of software (granted, a very large piece) to reveal my mental inadequacy. Logic Studio has two manuals. One is 700 pages, and the other is 1040 pages. As learning curves go, this one is Mt. Everest. But I am starting to get it. The program is still mocking me...and no, my microphone is not sufficient to capture Rachel’s amazing vocals... I am going to get better at this, I promise, but in the meantime, I have made a passable attempt at recording my latest. Want to know the how and why? See my Sunday post a week and a half ago, in which talk about the song and my friend Janna, for whom I wrote it. If you like it, please send me a little love (and any spare brain cells) by commenting on this post.

*Update: As of today, Monday, April 13, I am on page 800 in the 1040-pg. manual! I have highlighted and post-it-noted up the whole thing, and I think I have figured out some stuff...looking forward to fixing up this recording this week:)

{I am hesitant to put this one in, because a) it was recorded before I got a good mic... listen to Evening Lullaby for a quality comparison! It is huge. b) I have some big plans for this one... melody and accompaniment changes. It is going to be BEAUTIFUL. But the words are particularly meaningful to me, so until then, here it is.}

My Life
(for Janna)

What if one day you woke up
And the life you knew was gone?
Trust betrayed,
Alone, afraid
All you relied upon.

I thought that I was living
My life in such a way
That hurt and sin
Could never win, and
Pain would never stay.

Is this my life?
All this hurt and broken dreams
Where is the plan?
Why is nothing as it seems?
Is this my life?
How did I get here?
How can I get back again?

Looking through the ruin of the life I used to love
I see pieces of the girl I used to be.
Heavenly Father, if you're listening,
Please help me find my way.
Show me just a glimpse of what life holds for me...

Is this my life?
All this hurt and broken dreams
Where is the plan?
Why is nothing as it seems?
Is this my life?
How did I get here?
How can I get back again?

Kneeling in the darkness,
I can't hear a single sound.
My eyes are searching,
But they cannot see.
Then suddenly the Spirit whispers to my broken heart,
“Jesus suffered even this, for thee.”

Then glowing in the darkness
I can see his plan for me.
Like jewels that glitter brightly
For as far as I can see.

I can leave the dark behind me
As I feel the rush of days
Making strength of every weakness...
Turning anguish into praise.

This is my life
This is where I'm meant to be.
The road is hard,
But I wouldn’t change a thing
This is my life
His precious gift
And it's beautiful to me.

This is my life
This is where I’m meant to be.
The road is hard
But I wouldn’t change a thing
This is my life
His precious gift…

This is my life
This is my life
This is my life…
And it is beautiful to me.

Entry Number Two: The One Where Mom Went to Her Happy Place

It’s me, Cam…and I get to do a guest post today. I took pictures of my mom in her happy place. Her happy place is in this little triangle between her piano keyboard and her computer. She loves the computer so much she would probably marry it, if she wasn’t already married. Now, for the photos du jour: I took them, and then my mom and I fixed them up in Photoshop. We didn’t take out the wrinkles or the gray hair, though…heh heh heh… click on the photos to see them GIGANTIC and you can see. What we did do was play with the lighting a little bit…it is pretty dark in my mom’s happy place. AND on one of the photos, we did my favorite thing, which is called desaturating. We took the color down by 90%. But I wanted my mom’s eyes to stay blue, so she selected them first and only desaturated the rest of the photo. Cool, right?


My mom’s eyes are pretty freaky, you know. First of all, sometimes they look blue…sometimes green…and sometimes gray, sorta like mine. You can’t spell chameleon without Cam. Even weirder: they can see right inside of you. She always knows when one of us kids is doing something wrong. She can also see problems very clearly. People are always asking her for advice about things, because she can see right to the heart of the matter. She doesn’t need glasses or anything, either. She can read the tiniest print ever. I told you…freaky eyes.


The other thing in the pictures that you should pay attention to are her hands. She thinks he hands are kind of ugly. But anyone I know will tell you that they make the best food in the world, no contest. And when she plays the piano, she is pretty good. I don’t get it, but people always cry when she plays in church. It is not really all that sad…people really ought to just get over it.



Cam’s photo-taking tips: Take a lot lot lot of pictures because: it doesn’t cost any more to take 50 than it does to take three. And because out of 50 photos, there might be three good ones. And you don’t know which ones are going to be the good ones. Don’t center the person’s head in the center of the frame. Position the head at the top of the frame, but don’t cut off the top of it. Try taking some pictures from very close up. That way you can catch all the wrinkles and gray hair… MWA HAH AHHAHA!